How to Deal With Impossible People
by Self Carers
Most people know someone who seems to make every situation toxic and impossible. Pointing out that these people are difficult and demanding won’t get you anywhere, they don’t even see a problem. Whether the issue is caused by a personality disorder or some other underlying issue, you can learn how to deal with impossible people and preserve your own sanity.
Resist the urge to be defensive. Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people; they’re called “impossible” for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty, no matter what.
Do not call out the other person. Bluntly stating the problem will not improve your relationship with someone who is impossible. Instead of reaching a reconciliation, he or she will likely just become more difficult. Recognize that you can’t handle this like you would any other personal conflict — it’s a special situation.
Accept the situation. Impossible people exist; there isn’t a thing you can do about it. The first step is all about facing reality: if you think you might be dealing with an impossible person, you’re probably right. When in doubt, proceed as instructed below. The headaches you save will be your own.
Remember to “detach, disassociate and diffuse.“ When you’re in the middle of a conflict with an impossible person, use this strategy:
Understand that it’s not you, it’s them. This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of shifting the blame. Chances are, the more often they blame you, the more they themselves are actually at fault.
Prepare for projection. Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person’s flaws and failings will always be attributed to you.
Guard against anger. If it helps, consider the fact that your anger is actually aprecious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again. Impossible people tend to have amazing memories, and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless laundry list of complaints from the past against you. Five years from now, you could be hearing about the angry remark you made today (which you didn’t even mean in the first place). Impossible people will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold.
Be a manager. Until it is over, your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person, so that he or she deals less damage to you.
Don’t get cornered. Avoid one-on-ones with this type of person, actively; in other words, when you see them coming to corner you, suggest, and then demand that at least a third party be brought in. This will often thwart the impossible person’s plans, and a typical response from them will be to unilaterally decide that “we don’t need anyone else.” You are perfectly free to claim your need for a third party to help your understanding, and insist upon it. Bullies never stand up to a crowd.
Consider that it might be a question of compatibility. Sometimes, a person who gets along with everybody else quite well is an impossible person for you personally. Most relationships between people contain many shades of gray, but some people simply mix as well as oil and water.
Prepare to part ways. Understand that eventually, you’ll have to create a separation between yourself and an impossible person. Whether they are a friend, a family member, a parent, even a spouse, the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible.
Protect your self-esteem. If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-image. Focus on the people who validate you. Realize that this person is hurting you on purpose to improve his or her self-image. When he or she comes out with a statement that is designed to hurt you, realize this; realize why he saying that — to get people to tell him that he’s awesome. You are bigger and better than this person if you’re not lowering yourself to this level.
Avoid picking up impossible traits. If you aren’t careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offender’s own behavior, even if you aren’t voluntarily trying. Issue blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible person’s actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past.
Be the opposite of them: a possible person. Live as an example of tolerance, patience, humility, and kindness.
Protect your privacy. Impossible people will use any information on your personal life however small as a trump card against you. They can spin stories about you to other people (especially those close to you both) on a simple comment you made over lunch. Since they are specialists in manipulation, they are very good at making you talk.
Most people know someone who seems to make every situation toxic and impossible. Pointing out that these people are difficult and demanding won’t get you anywhere, they don’t even see a problem. Whether the issue is caused by a personality disorder or some other underlying issue, you can learn how to deal with impossible people and preserve your own sanity.
How to Handle Conflicts
Resist the urge to be defensive. Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people; they’re called “impossible” for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty, no matter what.
Do not call out the other person. Bluntly stating the problem will not improve your relationship with someone who is impossible. Instead of reaching a reconciliation, he or she will likely just become more difficult. Recognize that you can’t handle this like you would any other personal conflict — it’s a special situation.
- In some ways, they need to be treated like children. Give up all hope of engaging these folks in any kind of reasonable conversation. It will never happen, at least with you. Remember what happened in the course of the last fifty times you tried to have a civilized discussion about the status of your relationship with this person. Chances are, every such attempt ended in you being blamed for everything. Decide now to quit banging your head against a brick wall.
Accept the situation. Impossible people exist; there isn’t a thing you can do about it. The first step is all about facing reality: if you think you might be dealing with an impossible person, you’re probably right. When in doubt, proceed as instructed below. The headaches you save will be your own.
Remember to “detach, disassociate and diffuse.“ When you’re in the middle of a conflict with an impossible person, use this strategy:
- Detach: Staying calm in the heat of the moment is paramount to your personal preservation. Spitting angry words, reacting with extreme emotions such as crying, will only stimulate them to do more of the difficult behavior.
- Disassociate: Remove yourself from the situation and treat it with indifference. Do not, under any circumstances bad talk to their face or to anyone else because then you are sinking down to their level. Add something positive by redirection such as by focusing on something, anything, positive in the situation or in the conversation. Whatever you do just stay calm!
- Diffuse: It can help to realize that the side of a conversation that contains the most truth will always win out, and it’s best to “name the game” that an impossible person is playing, usually by asking them or the group a question that starts “Why…,” (rephrasing their “impossible” position to illuminate the consequences). You will move the conversation to a higher level, and the group, or even just the impossible individual, in a one-on-one, will respond to this “higher truth,” although the individual will usually respond by (more) obfuscating.
Understand that it’s not you, it’s them. This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of shifting the blame. Chances are, the more often they blame you, the more they themselves are actually at fault.
- Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a way to blame them. Blaming is what impossible people do, and they do it well. Instead, you are only facing the facts, for your own sake.
- That being said, here’s a simple way to tell: if you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to improve yourself, it’s probably not you. Remember, impossible people “can do no wrong.”
Prepare for projection. Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person’s flaws and failings will always be attributed to you.
- Remember, in their minds, you are at fault for everything! They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this, and if you make the mistake of encouraging them, they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person, and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them.
Guard against anger. If it helps, consider the fact that your anger is actually aprecious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again. Impossible people tend to have amazing memories, and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless laundry list of complaints from the past against you. Five years from now, you could be hearing about the angry remark you made today (which you didn’t even mean in the first place). Impossible people will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold.
Long-Term Management
Be a manager. Until it is over, your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person, so that he or she deals less damage to you.
- As a manager, your best resources are silence (it really is golden in some cases such as this), humoring the other, and abandoning all hope of “fixing” the impossible person. Impossible people do not listen to reason. They can’t (and even if they could, they wouldn’t).
- Recognize that you can’t convince them that they have any responsibility for the problems between you. They don’t recognize (or if they did, wouldn’t try to improve) their flaws for a very logical reason; they don’t have any flaws. You must understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. It’s far easier said than done, and you will slip from time to time, but as time goes on, you’ll become a better manager.
Don’t get cornered. Avoid one-on-ones with this type of person, actively; in other words, when you see them coming to corner you, suggest, and then demand that at least a third party be brought in. This will often thwart the impossible person’s plans, and a typical response from them will be to unilaterally decide that “we don’t need anyone else.” You are perfectly free to claim your need for a third party to help your understanding, and insist upon it. Bullies never stand up to a crowd.
Consider that it might be a question of compatibility. Sometimes, a person who gets along with everybody else quite well is an impossible person for you personally. Most relationships between people contain many shades of gray, but some people simply mix as well as oil and water.
- It is common to hear your impossible person proclaim “Everyone else likes me.” This is an attempt to shift the blame to you, so don’t buy it. It doesn’t matter how this person interacts with others. The fact is, the way the two of you interact together is terrible. Remember that blame never changes the facts.
Prepare to part ways. Understand that eventually, you’ll have to create a separation between yourself and an impossible person. Whether they are a friend, a family member, a parent, even a spouse, the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible.
- If you can’t (or won’t) make a physical departure immediately, make a mental one. In your mind, you’ve already left the relationship. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact.
- If this person is a spouse, and you plan to stay with them, try to recognize the places you cannot tread (i.e. The subjects that make the person impossible). Avoid, as completely as possible, bringing up these subjects. Keep to yourself. Find a truly wonderful hobby, and focus on it. If you are religious, focus on your religion. Read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder — this is a definite possibility. Even if it seems to you that they do not have NPD, read the articles about how to deal with them, because following the advice in the articles you find may help you.
Protect your self-esteem. If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-image. Focus on the people who validate you. Realize that this person is hurting you on purpose to improve his or her self-image. When he or she comes out with a statement that is designed to hurt you, realize this; realize why he saying that — to get people to tell him that he’s awesome. You are bigger and better than this person if you’re not lowering yourself to this level.
- Remind yourself that this person’s opinion is not necessarily the truth. Understand that oftentimes, impossible people are particularly “fact-challenged.”
- If the attacks have little basis in raw fact, dismiss them. You can’t possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud, however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade.
Avoid picking up impossible traits. If you aren’t careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offender’s own behavior, even if you aren’t voluntarily trying. Issue blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible person’s actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past.
Be the opposite of them: a possible person. Live as an example of tolerance, patience, humility, and kindness.
- We are all influenced by the people in our environment — they don’t have to be perfect all the time and neither do you. Give respect because you are human. If you don’t receive respect, that’s -sadly- their problem. Give understanding, and you get understanding. Ultimately this sort of behavior is probably the only thing that might get through to them. They may not change in everything, but you can safely expect a change.
Protect your privacy. Impossible people will use any information on your personal life however small as a trump card against you. They can spin stories about you to other people (especially those close to you both) on a simple comment you made over lunch. Since they are specialists in manipulation, they are very good at making you talk.
- Impossible people are good at seeming normal, and unless you are very convinced of who you are and where you stand in relation to the slight madness of this person, there will be times where you think “Hey, she’s not so bad after all. I guess I could tell her what I am going through these days….” Big mistake! It will come back to you when you least expect it, in the most dirty and manipulative way. Things shared in confidence late night at the office between the two of you can be used in an ice cold analysis in front of the whole company in a moment where the impossible person needs to get on top of you. He/she will spare no information to prove to others how well they know you, and such know what the best way to “handle” you is.
TIPS
- When you make your escape from the impossible person stay away. Don’t ever go back once you break away — no matter how much you love them or they say they’ve changed.
- When the impossible person is abusing or slandering you, other people will start to show sympathy towards you. You don’t need to do anything to make them look bad; she/he just digs his/her grave with no help from you. If s/he is angering you, others are also likely to be annoyed.
- Be detached from anything they say whether it’s a compliment or criticism. If you give them power to build you up, then you also give them power to knock you down. Learn to develop a sense of self worth from within.
Breathe
by Leo Babauta.
Breathe.
Breathing can transform your life.
If you feel stressed out and overwhelmed, breathe. It will calm you and release the tensions.
If you are worried about something coming up, or caught up in something that already happened, breathe. It will bring you back to the present.
If you are discouraged and have forgotten your purpose in life, breathe. It will remind you about how precious life is, and that each breath in this life is a gift you need to appreciate. Make the most of this gift.
If you have too many tasks to do, or are scattered during your workday, breathe. It will help bring you into focus, to concentrate on the most important task you need to be focusing on right now.
If you are spending time with someone you love, breathe. It will allow you to be present with that person, rather than thinking about work or other things you need to do.
If you are exercising, breathe. It will help you enjoy the exercise, and therefore stick with it for longer.
If you are moving too fast, breathe. It will remind you to slow down, and enjoy life more.
So breathe. And enjoy each moment of this life. They’re too fleeting and few to waste.
Breathe.
Breathing can transform your life.
If you feel stressed out and overwhelmed, breathe. It will calm you and release the tensions.
If you are worried about something coming up, or caught up in something that already happened, breathe. It will bring you back to the present.
If you are discouraged and have forgotten your purpose in life, breathe. It will remind you about how precious life is, and that each breath in this life is a gift you need to appreciate. Make the most of this gift.
If you have too many tasks to do, or are scattered during your workday, breathe. It will help bring you into focus, to concentrate on the most important task you need to be focusing on right now.
If you are spending time with someone you love, breathe. It will allow you to be present with that person, rather than thinking about work or other things you need to do.
If you are exercising, breathe. It will help you enjoy the exercise, and therefore stick with it for longer.
If you are moving too fast, breathe. It will remind you to slow down, and enjoy life more.
So breathe. And enjoy each moment of this life. They’re too fleeting and few to waste.
BREATHE
Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam
by Richard Le Gallienne
Nor idle I who speak it, nor profane,
Nor idle I who speak it, nor profane,
This playful wisdom growing out of pain;
How many midnights whitened into morn
Before the seeker knew he sought in vain.
You want to know the Secret--so did I,
Low in the dust I sought it, and on high
Sought it in awful flight from star to star,
The Sultan's watchman of the starry sky.
Up, up, where Parwin's hoofs stamp heaven's floor,
My soul went knocking at each starry door,
Till on the stilly top of heaven's stair,
Clear-eyed I looked--and laughed--and climbed no more.
Of all my seeking this is all my gain:
No agony of any mortal brain
Shall wrest the secret of the life of man;
The Search has taught me that the Search is vain.
Yet sometimes on a sudden all seems clear--
Hush! hush! my soul, the Secret draweth near;
Make silence ready for the speech divine--
If Heaven should speak, and there be none to hear!
Yea! sometimes on the instant all seems plain,
The simple sun could tell us, or the rain;
The world, caught dreaming with a look of heaven,
Seems on a sudden tip-toe to explain.
Like to a maid who exquisitely turns
A promising face to him who, waiting, burns
In hell to hear her answer--so the world
Tricks all, and hints what no man ever learns.
Look not above, there is no answer there;
Pray not, for no one listens to your prayer;
Near is as near to God as any Far,
And Here is just the same deceit as There.
To me there is much comfort in the thought
That all our agonies can alter nought,
Our lives are written to their latest word,
We but repeat a lesson He hath taught.
That all our agonies can alter nought,
Our lives are written to their latest word,
We but repeat a lesson He hath taught.
So since with all my passion and my skill,
The world's mysterious meaning mocks me still,
Shall I not piously believe that I
Am kept in darkness by the heavenly will?
And do you think that unto such as you,
A maggot-minded, starved, fanatic crew,
God gave the Secret, and denied it me?--
Well, well, what matters it! believe that too.
Happiness Mind Map
by Adam Sicinski
There are 33 keys of 5 fundamental aspects of life that deserve our wholehearted attention and care. Identify them, attend to them and fulfill their longings, and you will experience the joys and feelings of unbridled childlike happiness.
There are 33 keys of 5 fundamental aspects of life that deserve our wholehearted attention and care. Identify them, attend to them and fulfill their longings, and you will experience the joys and feelings of unbridled childlike happiness.
Cultivating a Happy Body
Our body is a vessel. It is the ship that sails us to our desired objectives and destinations. When the ship is properly maintained and cleaned, it sparkles with unbridled energy and radiance like a warm smile greeting us a good morning. In order to truly find long lasting and fulfilling happiness we must take care of our bodies. When our body feels good, it makes it easier to smile, to find happiness and joy in other areas of our lives. And this is exactly what this branch of the Study Matrix is about – cultivating a happy body.
- Smile Often – Turn your frown :( upside down :) A simple smile is such a wonderful thing that will immediately generate feelings of joy and happiness. Smiling often will stimulate wonderful feelings and sensations in your body helping you find more fulfillment throughout your day.
- Partake in Regular Exercise – Exercise encourages movement, deep breathing and releases built up stress. Partaking in regular, controlled exercise will generate wonderful invigorating feelings from deep within your body. This will lead to more happiness and joy in your life.
- Eat Healthy – Some foods can leave us sluggish and weak. Feeling rundown and low on energy will stir up unresourceful emotions which will lead to unpleasant and lackluster feelings. Focus on eating plenty of watery foods including fruits, vegetables, legumes, beans, etc. Also drink plenty of room temperature fluids throughout your day. This will stabilize your energy and keep happiness at the forefront of your mind.
- Sleep Restfully – The quality of our sleep patterns will effectively determine the quality of the emotions we experience throughout the day. Make sure to develop a good sleeping routine that provides you enough rest for your body, spirit and mind.
Cultivating Happy Actions
Our actions determine our results in life. When we take ill-fated actions, we experience the consequences of those decisions through stress, anxiety and despair. On the other hand, when we take actions that are sprinkled with happiness dust :), our outcomes are immediately transformed and we experience the consequences of a fulfilling and extraordinary existence. This branch of the Study Matrix breaks down some simple actions you can take on a daily basis that will bring a greater sense of joy and fulfillment to your daily undertakings.
- Experiment with Living – A mundane boring life can only lead to sluggish feelings that will weigh heavily on your body and mind. Choose instead to experiment a little, to partake in new activities and to fully enjoy great experiences that will leave your life with no regrets and plenty of unforgettable memories.
- Set Goals – When we have nothing to aim for, we struggle to find the motivation to get through our days. Decide today to set new goals and objectives that will move you into disciplined thought and action. The more inspiring the goals, the greater amount of joy, happiness and fulfillment you will find within your life.
- Prioritize – Our daily tasks and chores can easily overwhelm us if we are unable to manage them effectively. The solution rests in developing the habit of prioritizing all your tasks and activities into easily manageable and workable chunks. The more proficient you become at prioritizing your life, the more effective you will be, the more time you will have on hand, and the greater sense of happiness and fulfillment you will experience within your life.
- Seek New Learnings – When we fail to learn, grow and reach our full potential in any area of our life, we tend to experience an emptiness within the pit of our stomachs that breeds many unresourceful and dissatisfied emotions. If you suffer from this condition, simply take time to learn something new. Learn a new skill, develop a new talent, enhance your knowledge in a certain niche area of your life, or simply ask someone to teach you something that you have very little knowledge about. When you learn you will grow, and as you grow you will experience the joys of living to your fullest potential. The outcome always results in a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in life.
- Simplify Your Life – We struggle to get by in life because we simply take on board too many responsibilities, collect too much clutter and involve ourselves in mundane tasks and activities that deflate the spirit and weaken the mind. Tomorrow, step into your life as a new person, and begin to simplify every aspect of your reality. Get rid of the junk, cut down on the responsibilities and simplify everything that is useless and clutters your mind with too many thoughts and unnecessary emotions. Simplifying your life in this manner will be like stepping out of a prison after many years of mental and physical torture. This can only breed great joy, excitement and happiness into your life.
- Celebrate Your Achievements – Life is there to be enjoyed to its fullest. If you successfully reach your goals and objectives, than take a timeout to celebrate your accomplishments with your family, friends and loved ones. Celebrations will help inspire, motivate and move you towards even greater goals and objectives, bringing great joy and fulfillment into your life.
- Slow the Pace Down – Sometimes our busyness gets the better of us. We feel fulfilled and somewhat happy because we are moving at such a fast past, yet there is still that emptiness that lingers within the pit of our stomachs that is longing for something more. “More” comes when you stop and slowdown, change your pace and take time to smell the roses, tell someone you love them, and revel in the finer pleasures of life that bring you the greatest joy and happiness.
- Act through Your Passions – Your passions are the things that raise your energy, that bring you great satisfaction, and help you experience your world to its fullest. Regularly partake in your favorite hobbies, watch your kids play sports, and simply take charge of your life by creatively bringing your passions into your daily activities, thoughts and actions.
Cultivating a Happy Self
Our external happiness is primarily dependent on the internal happiness we feel within ourselves at any one moment in time. Our happiness always radiates out from within. Hence if we have little happiness to give, than we will likewise struggle to receive that which is given to us by others. This branch of the Study Matrix focuses on some simple strategies you can immediately bring forth into your life that will enhance and accentuate the happiness you feel within yourself.
- Pamper Yourself – It is so very easy for us to become stressed, anxious and overwhelmed as we go about our everyday ritualistic activities. During these periods we tend to forget about ourselves, our needs and our obligations to the ongoing wellbeing of our mind, spirit and body. The solution is to take time on weekly basis for some “Me Time”. Take a warm bath, get a relaxing massage, visit a spa, go to the gym, or simply take a walk in nature and spend some time with just your thoughts. These breaks will allow you to recharge your batteries and will help you to find the happiness and fulfillment you might be missing in your life.
- Find Humor and Laughter – Laughter will not only relieve your stress and the built-up tension within your body, it can also heal the soul and bring forth a vast amount of creative energy that will enhance and improve your day. Take timeouts throughout your days to laugh, to giggle like a school kid, to tell a funny joke to a friend, watch a sitcom on TV, or to simply make fun of yourself at the most awkward of moments. The more fun you have with this, the greater sense of joy and fulfillment you will experience in your life.
- Seek Inspiration – We struggle at times throughout the year because we lack the inspiration to move us forward. Inspiration is a state of mind that we must learn to cultivate as often as possible. It will help move us in thought and action, bringing a greater sense of joy and satisfaction into our lives. You can find inspiration in nature, by reading a book, by watching an inspirational movie, or simply through listening to your favorite piece of music. It does not matter how you go about finding your inspiration, as long as you work towards it each and everyday.
- Learn to Accept Your Circumstances – Our circumstances are what they are. Sometimes we have full control over them, while at other times we simply cannot influence them no matter what we do. As you go about your daily undertakings, it is important that you do not allow them to dictate the emotions that you experience within the moment. The one thing that you can control at all times is your pattern of thought. And it is your thought process (how you perceive a circumstance) that will determine how and what you feel at the end of the day. In fact there is no good or bad, it is rather how we perceive it to be. Start today by taking charge of your thought process, and bringing forth only happy feelings of joy and fulfillment into your life.
- Choose to be Happy – This is an easy one. Simply choose that you will be happy every moment of your day no matter what happens. Wake up in the morning and decide that you will be happy for the remainder of this day. If you are experiencing some difficult setbacks, than decide to be happy just for the next hour, and see what happens. Happiness is at all times your choice to make.
- Become Aware of Your Thoughts – True happiness begins in the mind. Pay attention to your everyday thoughts and the self-talk you allow to dominate your thinking habits. These thoughts will trigger instant feelings and emotions that will take over your entire body and mind. By becoming aware of these thoughts, you are essentially taking charge of the emotions you allow to dominate your decisions and actions at any moment in time. Choose your thoughts wisely and happiness will “think” its way through into your life.
Cultivating Happy Interactions
Sometimes happiness just seems too elusive and hard to achieve. It seems that no matter what we do, we just can’t seem to find that fulfillment and joy we have been searching for all our lives. In instances such as these, it is important to direct your energy outwards and touch the hearts of other people. We are naturally social beings, who seek support, encouragement and warmth from other like-minded individuals. The moment you begin directing your energy to make others happy, you will likewise tap into the reservoirs of the personal joy that rests deep within your heart. This branch of the Study Matrix focuses on finding joy and happiness through the process of building strong emotional relationships with others.
- Forgive Others – Holding onto ill-feelings towards others will only poison your mind and suffocate your soul. This will lead to many unresourceful emotions that will sabotage the happiness you desire to experience within your life. Take time today to forgive others for their indiscretions. If you find it difficult to forgive them openly, than write them a letter or simply close your eyes and genuinely tell them how you feel from the bottom of your heart. Only once this forgiveness has been released into the Universe, will you once again be free of the shackles that bind your emotions to the ground.
- Connect with Others – Loneliness can be an incredibly debilitating experience that can lead to many dirty and self-sabotaging unresourceful emotions of sadness, anger, sorrow and depression. Our emotions are like two sides of a mask. You cannot experience one type of emotion and its polar opposite at the same time. Decide today to switch that mask around and connect with other people through email, via telephone or in person. Tell them about your life, ask them questions about their experiences, goals and ambitions. It doesn’t matter how you connect, as long as you take the time to reach out to someone and ground yourself within their presence.
- Associate with Happy People – Happy people are those who will raise your energy through the roof the moment they walk into a room. Happy people are those who will inspire and motivate you when you are feeling down. Yes, happy people can indeed even cure your emotional self-sabotaging ways with a simple smile and giggle. Find these people within your community, school or group and work your way into their circle of friends.
- Volunteer Your Time and Energy – Believe it or not, there are actually people in this world who are much more disadvantaged than you. In fact, they are very unhappy and dissatisfied with their lives, and they are looking for inspiring individuals like yourself to bring some joy and fulfillment into their daily existence. Take time each week or month to volunteer your time to a charitable cause. Make an effort to bring joy and happiness into these people’s lives as best you can. You may actually be rather surprised how much warmth, satisfaction and fulfillment this can bring into your life. Sometimes through helping others find happiness, we end up finding it within ourselves.
- Partake in Random Acts of Kindness – Keep an ear out and pay attention to the events in other people’s lives. The moment you see an opportunity open up, decide to help them out in someway through a random act of kindness. Simply do something for them that they cannot do for themselves. The key here is to take no credit for your random acts of kindness. You will find greater fulfillment and satisfaction knowing that you helped someone because of the goodness of your heart – without obligating them to return the favor.
- Be Happy for Others – Sometimes we see wonderful things sprouting in other people’s lives and we somewhat feel happy for them, and yet at other times we feel small, inadequate and kind of jealous that we are not experiencing these same emotions. By consciously deciding to be happy for other people no matter what is currently transpiring within your experience, you will be sending positive vibrations into the Universe that will one day boomerang back into your life.
Cultivating a Happy Mindset
Our mind is a strange and mysterious thing. At one moment it can lead us into the pitfalls of despair, while during another moment, it can help us scale the heights of the highest emotional mountain peeks. It has been said that we become what we think about most of the time. Hence, if our mind struggles to deal with the problems that life brings our way on a daily basis, than it will experience the negative drawbacks, consequences and emotions of such thoughts manifesting within our physical reality. This branch of the Study Matrix focuses on the process of cultivating a mindset that will attract greater joy and happiness into your life.
- Have Faith in a Higher Power – Faith is a wonderful thing, as it helps us to persist through the most difficult of times and against the greatest of odds. Decide today to empower your faith by grounding yourself to God or the Universe through prayer, relaxation and meditation. Have faith that you will be happy no matter what obstacles stand in your way. And have faith that because of your happiness things will always turn out great at the end of your day.
- Detach Yourself from Circumstances – Circumstances are what they are. In fact circumstances are what we make them out to be at any moment in time. Decide to detach yourself mentally and emotionally from the circumstances in your life. Through detachment you will clarify your thinking and take control of what seemed so senselessly out of control moments ago. By breaking free of your emotional lock upon the circumstances of your life, you are opening up your spirit to the experience of greater happiness and fulfillment.
- Be Grateful for What You Have – Many of us long for objects, people and circumstances that are currently out of our reach. We long for these things because we don’t yet have them in our lives. This longing brings with it desperation, dissatisfaction and despair. Within this type of emotional “soil mixture”, happiness cannot grow. The solution rests in the spirit of gratitude. Start today by taking time to say “thanks” for the wonderful things in your life. Be grateful for your health, body, your friends, family, your current possessions, safety, life, etc. The more gratitude you find in your life, the happier you will become, and the more opportunities for further gratitude will arise as you go about your day.
- Expect to be Happy – Actually create a sense of expectation that you will always be happy with yourself, with your body, with your activities and with your life. You are in control of the expectations you send forth into the Universe. So take charge and expect to bring happiness into your life without any further hesitation or delay.
- Believe In Yourself – Believe in yourself, your abilities, your talents, your capacity to learn and manage your daily tasks, activities and responsibilities. It is only when you have a full sense of confidence within yourself about every aspect of your life, that you will find the joy and happiness you have been searching for all along.
- Alter Your Perspectives About Problems – Everything you see, hear, smell, touch and taste is just an opinion you made about the events and circumstances in your life. If things don’t appear to be going well… that is only your opinion. If you seem to have failed… that is only your opinion. If life seems to be going against you… that is only your opinion. Everything is an opinion and perspective that you have decided to accept. If your opinions are not bringing you the joy and happiness you seek to experience in your life, than simply decide today to change your perspective about these events and circumstances. If this is difficult to do, than ask someone else for their opinion, read a book that provides you with an alternative view of the situation, or simply decide that there are no problems in this world, only opportunities to grow and improve myself. Ask yourself, “What is the hidden opportunity here that I am not seeing?”
- Focus on Solutions – There are no problems in this world, there are only solutions that appear as problems in order to test our resolve and character. When you focus on problems you automatically begin to feel anxious, out of control, and overwhelmed with the uncertainties that lie ahead. On the other hand, when you focus on searching for solutions, you effectively raise your levels of energy, excitement, anticipation and happiness that a solution will surely be found. Therefore decide today to begin thinking in “solutions” rather than in “problems”.
Avoid Unhappiness
By following all the principles listed above, you will be well on your way towards experiencing true unbridled childlike happiness on a daily basis. However, sometimes it’s not so much what you do that matters. It’s rather what you refrain from partaking in that has the biggest impact on your thoughts and emotions at the end of the day. Some people will work extremely hard to do the right thing in order to experience the joy and fulfillment of unbridled childlike happiness. Yet, with an sudden ill-fated decision, without a moments notice they immediately sabotage their “emotional high” by doing something silly and self-destructive. This branch of the Study Matrix focuses on two key self-sabotaging decision oriented factors that will ruin your chances of experiencing true unbridled childlike happiness. It is important that you do not underestimate these two factors, as they can ruin a perfectly happy moment without warning or prior notice. Become aware of them, learn to understand them, and slowly take charge of the circumstances in your life that bring these two factors into being.
- Avoid Negative News – In this day of instant communication and information, it is easy to see how we can simply get caught up in a web of negativity that we cannot control. We watch people death on TV, we read about the wars raging around the world, and we feel sick, distressed and somewhat fatigued by these events. We must come to a realization that these events are very much out of our control. Getting ourselves emotionally distraught, does nobody any good. It’s important that we are not ignorant of the world around us, however it is also equally important that these events do not sabotage our resourceful emotional states. At all times we must stay in control of our emotions, while being positive, happy and moving forward. It is only through the act of making decisions and taking actions within this positive state that we can make a difference to this world.
- Avoid Pessimistic People – Imagine this scenario. You have had the most wonderful, inspiring and motivating day you have ever experienced in your life. You’re so excited about everything that you just can’t wait to tell you best friend all the wonderful details. That evening you catch up with them at the pub and begin telling all these wonderful tales… when all of a sudden BLAM!They wipe you out with their pessimistic negativity. They tell you how these feelings will never last, how the world will always be against you, how bad luck always hides around the corner, and so forth. 10 minutes ago you were feeling on top of the world, however all of a sudden your BEST FRIEND has completely transformed your perspective about the best day of your life and turned it on its head. What you thought was your most wonderful day ever, has now potentially become your worst nightmare, and it’s all because of the perspective that you have decided to accept within your reality. There goes your energy, spirit and motivation, and it only took 10 minutes. This is a very common scenario that has robbed many creative, motivated and inspired people of their dreams. If you have friends, colleagues or family members who bring you down in this way, maybe it’s time to spend a little less time with them and more time with those who could potentially inspire you to greatness.
Be Free From Resentment
By Sarah Louise Gess
“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” ~Benjamin Disraeli”
We often experience resentment toward other people when we find it hard to forgive them and hold onto unspoken pain.
Whenever we feel we’ve been treated unfairly, judged, or wronged, we have a very powerful internal reaction.
The emotions we experience are strong. We feel them intensely and deeply, because they challenge us to reassess the self-image we hold of ourselves.
The unexpressed painful emotions we experience as a result of other peoples’ actions have the potential to transform into resentment if they are not released in a healthy, effective, and timely way.
Resentment lives inside us, feeding on our negative feelings and emotions. It becomes stronger the longer it is ignored. It can mutate and develop into a warped veil, which prevents us from seeing the world from a healthy, balanced perspective.
If left unresolved, resentment has the power to be all consuming, and is very effective at fuelling anger.
In turn, unexpressed, internalized anger is a ticking time-bomb which can lead to abusive or self-destructive behavior, or a combination of both.
Resentment is a very personal and private emotion, as it has almost no effect on the person it is directed towards.
It resides with its owner, and causes negativity and pain.
Given a conducive set of circumstances and enough time, I can experience resentment on a powerful scale. I believe this is, in part, rooted in my formative years. I was brought up in a home where expressing strong, “negative” emotions was prohibited.
I grew up believing it was unacceptable to express hurt, disappointment, frustration, or anger toward the people who evoked these very emotions in me.
By the time I reached my teen years, I had unwittingly yet wholeheartedly perfected the internalization of painful emotions.
Resentment had found a comfortable home inside me, neighbored by my reluctance and fear of expressing myself.
Whenever anyone hurt me, intentionally or otherwise, I would simply deny my emotions by storing them in a box inside me labelled “deal with this later.” However, later never came. What did come was resentment toward the people who’d hurt me—that and anger.
At the time, I saw this as a kind of pay-off. “If I keep my feelings hidden and unexpressed, then I don’t have to risk jeopardizing the quality of my relationship with this person.”
In truth, I was terrified of rejection.
This fear fuelled my reluctance to express my pain to the people who’d hurt me. Ultimately, the person who I ended up hurting the most was me.
As a young adult I began to reflect; to try to understand how my behavior, reactions, and choices were affecting my overall well-being and happiness in life.
At first, I felt weak for not being able to consciously override my existing behavior patterns and simply create newer, healthier thought processes and actions.
I wanted more for myself than a life limited by my own self-imposed parameters.
It took a lot of honest and thoughtful self examination to begin to realize, understand, and accept what was preventing me from living a life free from bitterness.
After years of denying myself the full spectrum of my emotions, I resented anyone who stirred powerful, “negative” feelings inside me. My resentment toward others was intrinsically linked to my own inability to express painful emotions.
Looking back, I feel that if I had expressed myself more truthfully, I would not have clung so desperately to the resentment and anger. I also believe I would have welcomed forgiveness and been able to enjoy closer relationships with others more readily.
Everyone needs to express themselves. This is not a luxury; this is an absolute necessity.
To be fully free and completely ourselves, we must feel comfortable enough to outwardly express our emotions, whatever form they take.
If you are experiencing feelings of resentment, here are a few tips that may help you to let go and move forward:
When we deny our feelings, we are denying the truth. What kind of life are we living if we are not living truthfully?
Allowing ourselves to feel our full range of emotions is not only liberating and necessary, but it also helps cleanse us of negativity which we may be subconsciously holding on to.
Many of us are conditioned to see emotions as “good” and “bad.” To regard the complexity of emotions as either black or white belies the learning opportunities which are embedded and disguised in experiencing them.
For example, jealousy could be regarded as a “bad” emotion; however, if we open our minds and hearts, we could also see that this emotion is our own personal doorway to learning more about fear, trust, and connection.
When someone hurts us, intentionally or accidentally, we have a responsibility to ourselves to express our pain.
This needn’t be self indulgent or pitiful, but an understanding that it is our right to express that pain in an effective, healthy manner which helps us to let go and move forward.
The next time you experience a strong emotion such as fear, hurt, disappointment, anger, fury, or panic, try using this simple mantra:
“Right now I feel (INSERT EMOTION). I give myself permission to feel (INSERT EMOTION) because I have a right to express myself and my emotions.”
When we stop trying to control our feelings, and start embracing the colorful way in which our hearts communicate with us, life begins to teach us our most important lessons.
It takes huge strength and courage to express and communicate our pain to the people who hurt us. In doing so, we expose our vulnerable side—the very part that we want to protect and keep safe.
But when we communicate painful emotions, we take a step outside of our comfort zone and into a wonderful learning and growth opportunity.
The next time someone’s actions hurt you, try telling them how you feel. For example, “When you raise your voice, I feel scared and disrespected,” or “When you ignore me, it makes me feel unappreciated.” Choose the right words to convey your feelings.
Try to express yourself from a calm and balanced frame of mind. Your words will have more effect if you are able to express them from a strong, healthy standpoint.
Remember that you are doing this for you. It may also help the relationship, but your main motivation for communicating and expressing your feelings is your commitment to living a truthful life, free from resentment.
Forgiveness is your own personal honor. The ability to wholly and truly forgive is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.
Forgiveness sets you free from resentment’s confines; it breaks down the walls that anger builds and negativity reinforces.
When we forgive, we stop letting ours pasts dictate our presents. We acknowledge we want the very best for ourselves; accepting that our past makes us the person we are today, and embracing that.
Letting go of resentment doesn’t necessarily lead to forgiveness, but when you embrace forgiveness, resentment ceases to exist.
When we commit to expressing ourselves fully, we become stronger, more confident, and more aware.
We cannot control what other people do, but we can control how we react. When we practice truthful living, self-expression, and forgiveness, resentment simply has no place or power in our lives.
“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” ~Benjamin Disraeli”
We often experience resentment toward other people when we find it hard to forgive them and hold onto unspoken pain.
Whenever we feel we’ve been treated unfairly, judged, or wronged, we have a very powerful internal reaction.
The emotions we experience are strong. We feel them intensely and deeply, because they challenge us to reassess the self-image we hold of ourselves.
The unexpressed painful emotions we experience as a result of other peoples’ actions have the potential to transform into resentment if they are not released in a healthy, effective, and timely way.
Resentment lives inside us, feeding on our negative feelings and emotions. It becomes stronger the longer it is ignored. It can mutate and develop into a warped veil, which prevents us from seeing the world from a healthy, balanced perspective.
If left unresolved, resentment has the power to be all consuming, and is very effective at fuelling anger.
In turn, unexpressed, internalized anger is a ticking time-bomb which can lead to abusive or self-destructive behavior, or a combination of both.
Resentment is a very personal and private emotion, as it has almost no effect on the person it is directed towards.
It resides with its owner, and causes negativity and pain.
Given a conducive set of circumstances and enough time, I can experience resentment on a powerful scale. I believe this is, in part, rooted in my formative years. I was brought up in a home where expressing strong, “negative” emotions was prohibited.
I grew up believing it was unacceptable to express hurt, disappointment, frustration, or anger toward the people who evoked these very emotions in me.
By the time I reached my teen years, I had unwittingly yet wholeheartedly perfected the internalization of painful emotions.
Resentment had found a comfortable home inside me, neighbored by my reluctance and fear of expressing myself.
Whenever anyone hurt me, intentionally or otherwise, I would simply deny my emotions by storing them in a box inside me labelled “deal with this later.” However, later never came. What did come was resentment toward the people who’d hurt me—that and anger.
At the time, I saw this as a kind of pay-off. “If I keep my feelings hidden and unexpressed, then I don’t have to risk jeopardizing the quality of my relationship with this person.”
In truth, I was terrified of rejection.
This fear fuelled my reluctance to express my pain to the people who’d hurt me. Ultimately, the person who I ended up hurting the most was me.
As a young adult I began to reflect; to try to understand how my behavior, reactions, and choices were affecting my overall well-being and happiness in life.
At first, I felt weak for not being able to consciously override my existing behavior patterns and simply create newer, healthier thought processes and actions.
I wanted more for myself than a life limited by my own self-imposed parameters.
It took a lot of honest and thoughtful self examination to begin to realize, understand, and accept what was preventing me from living a life free from bitterness.
After years of denying myself the full spectrum of my emotions, I resented anyone who stirred powerful, “negative” feelings inside me. My resentment toward others was intrinsically linked to my own inability to express painful emotions.
Looking back, I feel that if I had expressed myself more truthfully, I would not have clung so desperately to the resentment and anger. I also believe I would have welcomed forgiveness and been able to enjoy closer relationships with others more readily.
Everyone needs to express themselves. This is not a luxury; this is an absolute necessity.
To be fully free and completely ourselves, we must feel comfortable enough to outwardly express our emotions, whatever form they take.
If you are experiencing feelings of resentment, here are a few tips that may help you to let go and move forward:
Express yourself
When we deny our feelings, we are denying the truth. What kind of life are we living if we are not living truthfully?
Allowing ourselves to feel our full range of emotions is not only liberating and necessary, but it also helps cleanse us of negativity which we may be subconsciously holding on to.
Many of us are conditioned to see emotions as “good” and “bad.” To regard the complexity of emotions as either black or white belies the learning opportunities which are embedded and disguised in experiencing them.
For example, jealousy could be regarded as a “bad” emotion; however, if we open our minds and hearts, we could also see that this emotion is our own personal doorway to learning more about fear, trust, and connection.
When someone hurts us, intentionally or accidentally, we have a responsibility to ourselves to express our pain.
This needn’t be self indulgent or pitiful, but an understanding that it is our right to express that pain in an effective, healthy manner which helps us to let go and move forward.
The next time you experience a strong emotion such as fear, hurt, disappointment, anger, fury, or panic, try using this simple mantra:
“Right now I feel (INSERT EMOTION). I give myself permission to feel (INSERT EMOTION) because I have a right to express myself and my emotions.”
When we stop trying to control our feelings, and start embracing the colorful way in which our hearts communicate with us, life begins to teach us our most important lessons.
Communicate your feelings
It takes huge strength and courage to express and communicate our pain to the people who hurt us. In doing so, we expose our vulnerable side—the very part that we want to protect and keep safe.
But when we communicate painful emotions, we take a step outside of our comfort zone and into a wonderful learning and growth opportunity.
The next time someone’s actions hurt you, try telling them how you feel. For example, “When you raise your voice, I feel scared and disrespected,” or “When you ignore me, it makes me feel unappreciated.” Choose the right words to convey your feelings.
Try to express yourself from a calm and balanced frame of mind. Your words will have more effect if you are able to express them from a strong, healthy standpoint.
Remember that you are doing this for you. It may also help the relationship, but your main motivation for communicating and expressing your feelings is your commitment to living a truthful life, free from resentment.
Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness is your own personal honor. The ability to wholly and truly forgive is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.
Forgiveness sets you free from resentment’s confines; it breaks down the walls that anger builds and negativity reinforces.
When we forgive, we stop letting ours pasts dictate our presents. We acknowledge we want the very best for ourselves; accepting that our past makes us the person we are today, and embracing that.
Letting go of resentment doesn’t necessarily lead to forgiveness, but when you embrace forgiveness, resentment ceases to exist.
When we commit to expressing ourselves fully, we become stronger, more confident, and more aware.
We cannot control what other people do, but we can control how we react. When we practice truthful living, self-expression, and forgiveness, resentment simply has no place or power in our lives.
Eleven Signs Of SomeOne Lying
By Dr. Lillian Glass
1. They change their head position quickly.
If you see someone suddenly make a head movement when you ask them a direct question, they may be lying to you about something.
"The head will be retracted or jerked back, bowed down, or cocked or tilted to the side," writes Glass. This will often happen right before the person is expected to respond to a question.
2. Their breathing changes.
When someone is lying to you, they may begin to breathe heavily, Glass says. "It's a reflex action."
When their breathing changes, their shoulders will rise and their voice may get shallow, she adds. “In essence, they are out of breath because their heart rate and blood flow change. You body experiences these types of changes when you’re nervous and feeling tense — when you lie.”
3. They stand very still.
It's common knowledge that people fidget when they get nervous, but Glass says that you should also watch out for people who are not moving at all.
"This may be a sign of the primitive neurological 'fight,' rather than the 'flight,' response, as the body positions and readies itself for possible confrontation," says Glass. "When you speak and engage in normal conversation, it is natural to move your body around in subtle, relaxed, and, for the most part, unconscious movements. So if you observe a rigid, catatonic stance devoid of movement, it is often a huge warning sign that something is off."
4. They repeat words or phrases.
This happens because they're trying to convince you, and themselves, of something, she says. “They’re trying to validate the lie in their mind.” For example, he or she may say: "I didn't...I didn't..." over and over again, Glass says.
The repetition is also a way to buy themselves time as they attempt to gather their thoughts, she adds.
5. They provide too much information.
"When someone goes on and on and gives you too much information — information that is not requested and especially an excess of details — there is a very high probability that he or she is not telling you the truth," writes Glass. "Liars often talk a lot because they are hoping that, with all their talking and seeming openness, others will believe them."
6. They touch or cover their mouth.
"A telltale sign of lying is that a person will automatically put their hands over their mouth when they don't want to deal with an issue or answer a question," says Glass.
"When adults put their hands over their lips, it means they aren't revealing everything, and they just don't want to tell the truth," she says. "They are literally closing off communication."
7. They instinctively cover vulnerable body parts.
This may include areas such as the throat, chest, head, or abdomen.
"I have often seen this in the courtroom when I work as a consultant for attorneys. I can always tell when someone's testimony has hit a nerve with the defendant, when I see his or her hand covering the front of his/her throat," says Glass.
"I never appreciated the potential use of this very telling behavior until I joined the FBI as a Special Agent," she says.
8. They shuffle their feet.
"This is the body taking over," Glass explains. Shuffling feet tells you that the potential liar is uncomfortable and nervous. It also shows you that he or she wants to leave the situation; they want to walk away, she says.
"This is one of the key ways to detect a liar. Just look at their feet and you can tell a lot."
9. It becomes difficult for them to speak.
"If you ever watch the videotaped interrogation of a suspect who is guilty, you will often observe that it becomes more and more difficult for her to speak," writes Glass. "This occurs because the automatic nervous system decreases salivary flow during times of stress, which of course dries out the mucous membranes of the mouth."
Other signs to watch out for include sudden lip biting or pursed lips.
10. They stare at you without blinking much.
When people lie, it's common that they break eye contact, but the liar could go the extra mile to maintain eye contact in attempt to control and manipulate you.
"[Bernie] Madoff, like most con men, overcompensated and stared at people longer than usual, often without blinking at regular intervals," says Glass. "When people tell the truth, most will occasionally shift their eyes around and may even look away from time to time. Liars, on the other hand, will use a cold, steady gaze to intimidate and control."
Also watch out for rapid blinking.
11. They tend to point a lot.
"When a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you," says Glass. The liar will get hostile because he is angry that you've discovered his lies, which may result in a lot of pointing.
1. They change their head position quickly.
If you see someone suddenly make a head movement when you ask them a direct question, they may be lying to you about something.
"The head will be retracted or jerked back, bowed down, or cocked or tilted to the side," writes Glass. This will often happen right before the person is expected to respond to a question.
2. Their breathing changes.
When someone is lying to you, they may begin to breathe heavily, Glass says. "It's a reflex action."
When their breathing changes, their shoulders will rise and their voice may get shallow, she adds. “In essence, they are out of breath because their heart rate and blood flow change. You body experiences these types of changes when you’re nervous and feeling tense — when you lie.”
3. They stand very still.
It's common knowledge that people fidget when they get nervous, but Glass says that you should also watch out for people who are not moving at all.
"This may be a sign of the primitive neurological 'fight,' rather than the 'flight,' response, as the body positions and readies itself for possible confrontation," says Glass. "When you speak and engage in normal conversation, it is natural to move your body around in subtle, relaxed, and, for the most part, unconscious movements. So if you observe a rigid, catatonic stance devoid of movement, it is often a huge warning sign that something is off."
4. They repeat words or phrases.
This happens because they're trying to convince you, and themselves, of something, she says. “They’re trying to validate the lie in their mind.” For example, he or she may say: "I didn't...I didn't..." over and over again, Glass says.
The repetition is also a way to buy themselves time as they attempt to gather their thoughts, she adds.
5. They provide too much information.
"When someone goes on and on and gives you too much information — information that is not requested and especially an excess of details — there is a very high probability that he or she is not telling you the truth," writes Glass. "Liars often talk a lot because they are hoping that, with all their talking and seeming openness, others will believe them."
6. They touch or cover their mouth.
"A telltale sign of lying is that a person will automatically put their hands over their mouth when they don't want to deal with an issue or answer a question," says Glass.
"When adults put their hands over their lips, it means they aren't revealing everything, and they just don't want to tell the truth," she says. "They are literally closing off communication."
7. They instinctively cover vulnerable body parts.
This may include areas such as the throat, chest, head, or abdomen.
"I have often seen this in the courtroom when I work as a consultant for attorneys. I can always tell when someone's testimony has hit a nerve with the defendant, when I see his or her hand covering the front of his/her throat," says Glass.
"I never appreciated the potential use of this very telling behavior until I joined the FBI as a Special Agent," she says.
8. They shuffle their feet.
"This is the body taking over," Glass explains. Shuffling feet tells you that the potential liar is uncomfortable and nervous. It also shows you that he or she wants to leave the situation; they want to walk away, she says.
"This is one of the key ways to detect a liar. Just look at their feet and you can tell a lot."
9. It becomes difficult for them to speak.
"If you ever watch the videotaped interrogation of a suspect who is guilty, you will often observe that it becomes more and more difficult for her to speak," writes Glass. "This occurs because the automatic nervous system decreases salivary flow during times of stress, which of course dries out the mucous membranes of the mouth."
Other signs to watch out for include sudden lip biting or pursed lips.
10. They stare at you without blinking much.
When people lie, it's common that they break eye contact, but the liar could go the extra mile to maintain eye contact in attempt to control and manipulate you.
"[Bernie] Madoff, like most con men, overcompensated and stared at people longer than usual, often without blinking at regular intervals," says Glass. "When people tell the truth, most will occasionally shift their eyes around and may even look away from time to time. Liars, on the other hand, will use a cold, steady gaze to intimidate and control."
Also watch out for rapid blinking.
11. They tend to point a lot.
"When a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you," says Glass. The liar will get hostile because he is angry that you've discovered his lies, which may result in a lot of pointing.
***
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