Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts

Avoiding One's Fear by Fiona Macdonald


Avoiding One’s Fears

Most of us spend a huge amount of mental energy trying to push away fear, to block it from our minds completely. We live in a world of painkillers, tranquilizers, beta blockers and all sorts of more raucous solutions to fear; people will go to remarkable lengths to push aside the thoughts they least want to think.

Yet, as William Stafford suggests in For My Young Friends, it is only by allowing our fears in, by bending with them instead of trying rigidly to ignore them, that we can grow. Our fears are always on the edge of our vision, with us whether we acknowledge them or not. By understanding them better we can also understand ourselves. Fears are our motivations just as much as desires are. They are what makes us who we are, and what keeps us safe.

Running away may feel good in the short term – in fact, it can feel wonderful for a while. But if you’re always running and never engaging, you’ll find you’re facing in the wrong direction for your whole life. You’ll never have the chance to look back the way you came and feel proud.

Fears are not your enemies, they are your companions. Some of them are liars, and some of them are wise guides. Without getting to know them properly, you will never be able to determine which ones are which. Look your fears dead in the eye, and try to understand them. Don’t flinch, and don’t blink. You are not alone. Everyone is afraid. This is the world, and we all live here.


Big Five Personality Traits


In psychology, the Big Five personality traits are five broad domains or dimensions of personality that are used to describe human personality, the five-factor model (FFM). The five factors are openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neurotic ism. Acronyms commonly used to refer to the five traits collectively are OCEAN or CANOE. Beneath each global factor, a cluster of correlated and more specific primary factors are found; for example, extroversion includes such related qualities as gregariousness, assertiveness, excitement seeking, warmth, activity, and positive emotions.

The Big Five model is able to account for different traits in personality without overlapping. Empirical research has shown that the Big Five personality traits show consistency in interviews, self-descriptions and observations. Moreover, this five-factor structure seems to be found across a wide range of participants of different ages and of different cultures.

A summary of the factors of the Big Five and their constituent traits, such that they form the acronym OCEAN:

Openness to experience: (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious). Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, curiosity, and variety of experience. Openness reflects the degree of intellectual curiosity, creativity and a preference for novelty and variety a person has. It is also described as the extent to which a person is imaginative or independent, and depicts a personal preference for a variety of activities over a strict routine. Some disagreement remains about how to interpret the openness factor, which is sometimes called "intellect" rather than openness to experience.

Conscientiousness: (efficient/organized vs. easy-going/careless). A tendency to be organized and dependable, show self-discipline, act dutifully, aim for achievement, and prefer planned rather than spontaneous behavior.

Extroversion: (outgoing/energetic vs. solitary/reserved). Energy, positive emotions, surgency, assertiveness, sociability and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others, and talkativeness.

Agreeableness: (friendly/compassionate vs. analytical/detached). A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others. It is also a measure of one's trusting and helpful nature, and whether a person is generally well tempered or not.

Neurotic ism: (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident). The tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, and vulnerability. Neuroticism also refers to the degree of emotional stability and impulse control and is sometimes referred to by its low pole, "emotional stability".



GLAD NOT BEING PSYCHOPATHIC

Your place on the psychopathic spectrum

YOUR
SCORE 36%

Though your conscience is in the right place you also have a pragmatic streak and generally aren’t afraid to do your own dirty work! You’re no shrinking violet - but no daredevil either. You generally have little trouble seeing things from another person’s perspective but, at the same time, are no pushover. ‘Everything in moderation – including moderation’ might sum up your approach to life.

ABOUT THE PSYCHOPATHIC SPECTRUM

When most people think of psychopaths, Hannibal Lecter typically springs to mind! But actually, being psychopathic doesn't necessarily mean that you're a serial killer – or even that you'll break the law.

Some of us may score higher on some psychopathic traits than on others. But unless you score high on all of them, you don't really have anything to worry about! Another misconception about psychopaths concerns diagnosis. A lot of people think that you're either a psychopath or you're not, that it's all very black and white. But there is evidence to suggest that it's not as clear-cut as this. In fact, psychopathy – like height and weight, for example – lies on a spectrum.

This test is not a diagnostic tool nor is it psychometrically validated. It cannot be used to clinically diagnose psychopathic personality or any mental illness.

Within the framework of clinical psychology, a psychopath is someone with a distinct cluster of personality traits including ruthlessness, fearlessness, narcissism, charm, charisma, impulsivity, persuasiveness, manipulation and a lack of conscience and empathy. Sure, these traits may well come in handy if you aspire to be an axe-murderer! But they can also come in handy in the courtroom, on the trading floor, or in the operating theatre. It just depends on what else you've got going on in your personality, and the start you get in life.

At the sharp end you may well find your serial killers and axe murderers but, all of us have our place at some point along the continuum.


** I preferred pop, dog and bbc.





Complaining Ruins Your Reputation

By Selena Rezvani

In today’s typical workplace, disengaged employees are the norm. In fact, research conducted by Gallup shows that only 13% of employees worldwide are engaged in their work. And as we all know, where there are disengaged employees, there’s usually complaining, gossiping, and griping that follows.

It’s not that there’s no place for disappointment, anger or annoyance at work. But I can guarantee you that your complaints are not doing you or your career any favors. If they were, people would label them ‘proposals,’ ‘negotiations,’ ‘solutions’ or ‘suggestions’.

Next time you feel the urge to reflexively complain, think through these common perceptions of workplace whiners (by non-whiners). They may just be the best deterrent when you have the need to gripe:

  • They think you’re unproductive: It’s hard to be a top producer and also find the time to complain constantly. When you’re seen voicing grievances to your colleague in the lunchroom, for example, people assume that you’re consciously putting your energy there, rather than into your key responsibilities. It’s also obvious to others that in the time you spend complaining, you could be problem solving, researching ways to improve the situation or moving on to something else more substantive.
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  • They assume you complain about them, too:  When you see the worst in colleagues or express your displeasure frequently about coworkers, people will see you as unsympathetic and critical. They will also make a very fair and immediate assumption: If you talk negatively about the person sitting in the cube next to you, you probably talk negatively about them too. Don’t brand yourself someone as someone who’s impossible to please; it sends the added message that you’re untouchable and everyone else is flawed.
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  • They don’t trust you: There’s a reason that the online reviews we tend to trust most are factual, fair and balanced in tone. The same is often true among the colleagues to whom we give the most credence. If you’re seen as a complainer, people will not respect your view in a meeting the same way they would someone who evenhandedly considers all angles. By complaining too much, you’re etching away at your credibility and essentially declaring to the world, “Don’t take my ideas very seriously, they’re probably negative, partial or one sided.”
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  • They think you can’t cope with change:  At many companies, people’s first impulse upon learning about a change is displeasure. Even if this reflex is natural, there’s a competitive advantage in business (and in life) to getting from ‘Place A’ to ‘Place B’ quickly. If you come across as someone rigid or intolerant of ambiguity, you convey to others that you’re a slow adopter and a laggard; show them instead that you look for possibilities in change.
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  • They think you don’t take responsibility: One of the key reasons we complain is that when we pin the fault on someone else, we don’t have to look at our own behavior. And yet, in my interviews with top senior leaders, the higher an executive moves up, the more personal responsibility they need to take for their actions and results. A seasoned complainer rarely takes personal ownership – which only underscores the sense of powerless that got them complaining in the first place.
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  • They don’t want to be associated with you: Often, when you complain to a group, the implicit message is that you’re trying to rally support for your way of thinking. Not only is it bad for others’ health and welfare to listen to you, but you’ll find that colleagues will think twice before being linked to you. Whether on a client project, a new assignment or an internal committee, they know they don’t have a lot to gain from being partnered with a glass-half-empty kind of thinker.


When you complain, you’re not endearing yourself to anyone. Whether you occasionally struggle with a victim mentality or have had your fair share of true bad breaks, it’s reassuring to remember that when it comes to your own behavior, you hold all the power and you always have a choice.

So be your own hero. Ride in on your own white horse to save the day. And spare people’s ears the latest disappointment that has set you off.

4 Mental Health Conditions

By Madeline Vann, MPH

Mental disorders like depression, anxiety, OCD, and bipolar disorder all have warning signs. Find out what they are and when to get help.


Everyone has good days and bad days — even good years and bad years — but you should be concerned when the signs of depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or bipolar disorder make it difficult to carry out the tasks of everyday life. Challenging emotions can arise in any situation, from work to relationships, and you want to act before they seriously interfere with your ability to function.

Mental Health: 5 Signs of Clinical Depression 



“You determine clinical depression by two measures. One is by time and one is by severity — impact on function. When you have severe symptoms that last at least two weeks and are interfering with fundamental basic functions, it falls into the realm of clinical depression,” explains psychiatrist Jill RachBeisel, MD, associate professor of psychiatry of the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore.

There are many symptoms of depression, but most common among people with clinical depression are changes in:


  1. Appetite. “In clinical depression you lose your appetite completely, and you stop eating, or you eat very little,” says Dr. RachBeisel.
  2. Sleep. When clinical depression sets in, you may have consistent, severe insomnia and be unable to sleep well almost every night.
  3. Concentration. “Someone might find themselves unable to maintain focus on simple activities like watching a TV program or reading a newspaper article,” says RachBeisel. You may not be able to focus on a recipe for dinner or tasks at work.
  4. Energy level. “With severe clinical depression your energy is so low you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning or carrying through your basic activities of daily living. People find themselves lying in bed and staying in pajamas all day long,” RachBeisel explains.
  5. Interest in activities that one would normally enjoy. This may mean that you no longer care about shaving or styling your hair, for example, or about bigger issues, like caring for your children.

At its most severe, clinical depression can lead to suicide. Having thoughts like “My family would be better off without me” is a warning sign.

Mental Health: 5 Signs of Anxiety



“We all should have a little anxiety on board because when you think about it, what makes you really perform well is you get a little anxious,” says RachBeisel. These, however, are signs that you may need help with your anxiety level:


  1. You can’t follow a conversation or complete a basic task.
  2. You can’t do what other people do; for example, a fear of crossing bridges prevents you from seeing the other side of town.
  3. You find yourself avoiding family gatherings or office parties due to social anxiety.
  4. You worry that in a crowded room people are looking at you or talking about you.
  5. You may avoid projects that require public speaking or presenting your work.


Mental Health: 5 Signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder



Obsessive-compulsive disorder is on the extreme end of the anxiety spectrum.

“People with OCD are so anxious, they have intrusive thoughts that are irrational, and they can’t get the thoughts out of their head. So what they do is develop behaviors to cope with the anxiety,” says RachBeisel. These behaviors or rituals may be so time-consuming that you can’t get to work (or anywhere) on time, and may even prevent you from working. For example, you may:


  1. Wash your hands 20 to 30 times a day.
  2. Count 15 cars before you can park.
  3. Spend hours checking the door and window locks before going to bed.
  4. Spend hours bathing.
  5. Repeat work tasks multiple times to make sure they are perfect.


Mental Health: 5 Signs of Bipolar Disorder



“A person with bipolar disorder is someone who has severe mood swings,” says RachBeisel. During the depressed phase, the signs of clinical depression appear, but people with bipolar disorder also experience a manic phase during which they may have a lot of energy and positive feelings about themselves. Signs of mania are:


  1. Mood swings. Examples are elevated mood or extreme irritability.
  2. Fast speech. “You can’t get a word in edgewise and you have to ask them to slow down,” says RachBeisel.
  3. No need for sleep. People with pipolar disorder may stay up all night for many days cleaning, painting walls, or doing laundry.
  4. Overextended. An overly high estimation of themselves leads to commitments they can’t possibly keep, such as taking on jobs they don’t have the skills to do.
  5. Excessive behaviors. Charging tens of thousands of dollars or having sex with casual acquaintances are just two examples.


Mental Health: How to Get Help


If you suspect that you have signs of one of these mental health conditions, RachBeisel advises that you:


  1. Call your primary care doctor and ask for a referral so you can get evaluated by a specialist.
  2. Call a local suicide hotline if you are experiencing severe symptoms.
  3. Contact your local health department for a list of mental health services.

By knowing the signs of these common mental health conditions, you'll be better equipped to recognize when you, or someone you love, may need professional help.

***

How to Deal With Impossible People

by Self Carers


Most people know someone who seems to make every situation toxic and impossible. Pointing out that these people are difficult and demanding won’t get you anywhere, they don’t even see a problem. Whether the issue is caused by a personality disorder or some other underlying issue, you can learn how to deal with impossible people and preserve your own sanity.

How to Handle Conflicts


Resist the urge to be defensive. Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people; they’re called “impossible” for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty, no matter what.

Do not call out the other person. Bluntly stating the problem will not improve your relationship with someone who is impossible. Instead of reaching a reconciliation, he or she will likely just become more difficult. Recognize that you can’t handle this like you would any other personal conflict — it’s a special situation.


  • In some ways, they need to be treated like children. Give up all hope of engaging these folks in any kind of reasonable conversation. It will never happen, at least with you. Remember what happened in the course of the last fifty times you tried to have a civilized discussion about the status of your relationship with this person. Chances are, every such attempt ended in you being blamed for everything. Decide now to quit banging your head against a brick wall.

Accept the situation. Impossible people exist; there isn’t a thing you can do about it. The first step is all about facing reality: if you think you might be dealing with an impossible person, you’re probably right. When in doubt, proceed as instructed below. The headaches you save will be your own.

Remember to “detach, disassociate and diffuse.“ When you’re in the middle of a conflict with an impossible person, use this strategy:


  • Detach: Staying calm in the heat of the moment is paramount to your personal preservation. Spitting angry words, reacting with extreme emotions such as crying, will only stimulate them to do more of the difficult behavior.
  • Disassociate: Remove yourself from the situation and treat it with indifference. Do not, under any circumstances bad talk to their face or to anyone else because then you are sinking down to their level. Add something positive by redirection such as by focusing on something, anything, positive in the situation or in the conversation. Whatever you do just stay calm!
  • Diffuse: It can help to realize that the side of a conversation that contains the most truth will always win out, and it’s best to “name the game” that an impossible person is playing, usually by asking them or the group a question that starts “Why…,” (rephrasing their “impossible” position to illuminate the consequences). You will move the conversation to a higher level, and the group, or even just the impossible individual, in a one-on-one, will respond to this “higher truth,” although the individual will usually respond by (more) obfuscating.

Understand that it’s not you, it’s them. This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of shifting the blame. Chances are, the more often they blame you, the more they themselves are actually at fault.


  • Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a way to blame them. Blaming is what impossible people do, and they do it well. Instead, you are only facing the facts, for your own sake.
  • That being said, here’s a simple way to tell: if you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to improve yourself, it’s probably not you. Remember, impossible people “can do no wrong.”

Prepare for projection. Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person’s flaws and failings will always be attributed to you.


  • Remember, in their minds, you are at fault for everything! They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this, and if you make the mistake of encouraging them, they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person, and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them.

Guard against anger. If it helps, consider the fact that your anger is actually aprecious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again. Impossible people tend to have amazing memories, and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless laundry list of complaints from the past against you. Five years from now, you could be hearing about the angry remark you made today (which you didn’t even mean in the first place). Impossible people will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold.

Long-Term Management


Be a manager. Until it is over, your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person, so that he or she deals less damage to you.


  • As a manager, your best resources are silence (it really is golden in some cases such as this), humoring the other, and abandoning all hope of “fixing” the impossible person. Impossible people do not listen to reason. They can’t (and even if they could, they wouldn’t).
  • Recognize that you can’t convince them that they have any responsibility for the problems between you. They don’t recognize (or if they did, wouldn’t try to improve) their flaws for a very logical reason; they don’t have any flaws. You must understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. It’s far easier said than done, and you will slip from time to time, but as time goes on, you’ll become a better manager.

Don’t get cornered. Avoid one-on-ones with this type of person, actively; in other words, when you see them coming to corner you, suggest, and then demand that at least a third party be brought in. This will often thwart the impossible person’s plans, and a typical response from them will be to unilaterally decide that “we don’t need anyone else.” You are perfectly free to claim your need for a third party to help your understanding, and insist upon it. Bullies never stand up to a crowd.

Consider that it might be a question of compatibility. Sometimes, a person who gets along with everybody else quite well is an impossible person for you personally. Most relationships between people contain many shades of gray, but some people simply mix as well as oil and water.


  • It is common to hear your impossible person proclaim “Everyone else likes me.” This is an attempt to shift the blame to you, so don’t buy it. It doesn’t matter how this person interacts with others. The fact is, the way the two of you interact together is terrible. Remember that blame never changes the facts.

Prepare to part ways. Understand that eventually, you’ll have to create a separation between yourself and an impossible person. Whether they are a friend, a family member, a parent, even a spouse, the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible.


  • If you can’t (or won’t) make a physical departure immediately, make a mental one. In your mind, you’ve already left the relationship. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact.
  • If this person is a spouse, and you plan to stay with them, try to recognize the places you cannot tread (i.e. The subjects that make the person impossible). Avoid, as completely as possible, bringing up these subjects. Keep to yourself. Find a truly wonderful hobby, and focus on it. If you are religious, focus on your religion. Read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder — this is a definite possibility. Even if it seems to you that they do not have NPD, read the articles about how to deal with them, because following the advice in the articles you find may help you.

Protect your self-esteem. If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-image. Focus on the people who validate you. Realize that this person is hurting you on purpose to improve his or her self-image. When he or she comes out with a statement that is designed to hurt you, realize this; realize why he saying that — to get people to tell him that he’s awesome. You are bigger and better than this person if you’re not lowering yourself to this level.


  • Remind yourself that this person’s opinion is not necessarily the truth. Understand that oftentimes, impossible people are particularly “fact-challenged.”
  • If the attacks have little basis in raw fact, dismiss them. You can’t possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud, however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade.

Avoid picking up impossible traits. If you aren’t careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offender’s own behavior, even if you aren’t voluntarily trying. Issue blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible person’s actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past.

Be the opposite of them: a possible person. Live as an example of tolerance, patience, humility, and kindness.


  • We are all influenced by the people in our environment — they don’t have to be perfect all the time and neither do you. Give respect because you are human. If you don’t receive respect, that’s -sadly- their problem. Give understanding, and you get understanding. Ultimately this sort of behavior is probably the only thing that might get through to them. They may not change in everything, but you can safely expect a change.

Protect your privacy. Impossible people will use any information on your personal life however small as a trump card against you. They can spin stories about you to other people (especially those close to you both) on a simple comment you made over lunch. Since they are specialists in manipulation, they are very good at making you talk.


  • Impossible people are good at seeming normal, and unless you are very convinced of who you are and where you stand in relation to the slight madness of this person, there will be times where you think “Hey, she’s not so bad after all. I guess I could tell her what I am going through these days….” Big mistake! It will come back to you when you least expect it, in the most dirty and manipulative way. Things shared in confidence late night at the office between the two of you can be used in an ice cold analysis in front of the whole company in a moment where the impossible person needs to get on top of you. He/she will spare no information to prove to others how well they know you, and such know what the best way to “handle” you is.

TIPS

  • When you make your escape from the impossible person stay away. Don’t ever go back once you break away — no matter how much you love them or they say they’ve changed.
  • When the impossible person is abusing or slandering you, other people will start to show sympathy towards you. You don’t need to do anything to make them look bad; she/he just digs his/her grave with no help from you. If s/he is angering you, others are also likely to be annoyed.
  • Be detached from anything they say whether it’s a compliment or criticism. If you give them power to build you up, then you also give them power to knock you down. Learn to develop a sense of self worth from within.

Be Free From Resentment

By Sarah Louise Gess


“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” ~Benjamin Disraeli”

We often experience resentment toward other people when we find it hard to forgive them and hold onto unspoken pain.

Whenever we feel we’ve been treated unfairly, judged, or wronged, we have a very powerful internal reaction.

The emotions we experience are strong. We feel them intensely and deeply, because they challenge us to reassess the self-image we hold of ourselves.

The unexpressed painful emotions we experience as a result of other peoples’ actions have the potential to transform into resentment if they are not released in a healthy, effective, and timely way.

Resentment lives inside us, feeding on our negative feelings and emotions. It becomes stronger the longer it is ignored. It can mutate and develop into a warped veil, which prevents us from seeing the world from a healthy, balanced perspective.

If left unresolved, resentment has the power to be all consuming, and is very effective at fuelling anger.

In turn, unexpressed, internalized anger is a ticking time-bomb which can lead to abusive or self-destructive behavior, or a combination of both.

Resentment is a very personal and private emotion, as it has almost no effect on the person it is directed towards.

It resides with its owner, and causes negativity and pain.

Given a conducive set of circumstances and enough time, I can experience resentment on a powerful scale. I believe this is, in part, rooted in my formative years. I was brought up in a home where expressing strong, “negative” emotions was prohibited.

I grew up believing it was unacceptable to express hurt, disappointment, frustration, or anger toward the people who evoked these very emotions in me.

By the time I reached my teen years, I had unwittingly yet wholeheartedly perfected the internalization of painful emotions.

Resentment had found a comfortable home inside me, neighbored by my reluctance and fear of expressing myself.

Whenever anyone hurt me, intentionally or otherwise, I would simply deny my emotions by storing them in a box inside me labelled “deal with this later.” However, later never came. What did come was resentment toward the people who’d hurt me—that and anger.

At the time, I saw this as a kind of pay-off. “If I keep my feelings hidden and unexpressed, then I don’t have to risk jeopardizing the quality of my relationship with this person.”

In truth, I was terrified of rejection.

This fear fuelled my reluctance to express my pain to the people who’d hurt me. Ultimately, the person who I ended up hurting the most was me.

As a young adult I began to reflect; to try to understand how my behavior, reactions, and choices were affecting my overall well-being and happiness in life.

At first, I felt weak for not being able to consciously override my existing behavior patterns and simply create newer, healthier thought processes and actions.

I wanted more for myself than a life limited by my own self-imposed parameters.

It took a lot of honest and thoughtful self examination to begin to realize, understand, and accept what was preventing me from living a life free from bitterness.

After years of denying myself the full spectrum of my emotions, I resented anyone who stirred powerful, “negative” feelings inside me. My resentment toward others was intrinsically linked to my own inability to express painful emotions.

Looking back, I feel that if I had expressed myself more truthfully, I would not have clung so desperately to the resentment and anger. I also believe I would have welcomed forgiveness and been able to enjoy closer relationships with others more readily.

Everyone needs to express themselves. This is not a luxury; this is an absolute necessity.

To be fully free and completely ourselves, we must feel comfortable enough to outwardly express our emotions, whatever form they take.

If you are experiencing feelings of resentment, here are a few tips that may help you to let go and move forward:

Express yourself


When we deny our feelings, we are denying the truth. What kind of life are we living if we are not living truthfully?

Allowing ourselves to feel our full range of emotions is not only liberating and necessary, but it also helps cleanse us of negativity which we may be subconsciously holding on to.

Many of us are conditioned to see emotions as “good” and “bad.” To regard the complexity of emotions as either black or white belies the learning opportunities which are embedded and disguised in experiencing them.

For example, jealousy could be regarded as a “bad” emotion; however, if we open our minds and hearts, we could also see that this emotion is our own personal doorway to learning more about fear, trust, and connection.

When someone hurts us, intentionally or accidentally, we have a responsibility to ourselves to express our pain.

This needn’t be self indulgent or pitiful, but an understanding that it is our right to express that pain in an effective, healthy manner which helps us to let go and move forward.

The next time you experience a strong emotion such as fear, hurt, disappointment, anger, fury, or panic, try using this simple mantra:

“Right now I feel (INSERT EMOTION). I give myself permission to feel (INSERT EMOTION) because I have a right to express myself and my emotions.”

When we stop trying to control our feelings, and start embracing the colorful way in which our hearts communicate with us, life begins to teach us our most important lessons.

Communicate your feelings


It takes huge strength and courage to express and communicate our pain to the people who hurt us. In doing so, we expose our vulnerable side—the very part that we want to protect and keep safe.

But when we communicate painful emotions, we take a step outside of our comfort zone and into a wonderful learning and growth opportunity.

The next time someone’s actions hurt you, try telling them how you feel. For example, “When you raise your voice, I feel scared and disrespected,” or “When you ignore me, it makes me feel unappreciated.” Choose the right words to convey your feelings.

Try to express yourself from a calm and balanced frame of mind. Your words will have more effect if you are able to express them from a strong, healthy standpoint.

Remember that you are doing this for you. It may also help the relationship, but your main motivation for communicating and expressing your feelings is your commitment to living a truthful life, free from resentment.

Practice forgiveness


Forgiveness is your own personal honor. The ability to wholly and truly forgive is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.

Forgiveness sets you free from resentment’s confines; it breaks down the walls that anger builds and negativity reinforces.

When we forgive, we stop letting ours pasts dictate our presents. We acknowledge we want the very best for ourselves; accepting that our past makes us the person we are today, and embracing that.

Letting go of resentment doesn’t necessarily lead to forgiveness, but when you embrace forgiveness, resentment ceases to exist.

When we commit to expressing ourselves fully, we become stronger, more confident, and more aware.

We cannot control what other people do, but we can control how we react. When we practice truthful living, self-expression, and forgiveness, resentment simply has no place or power in our lives.


How Oxytocin, the 'Love Hormone' Works Its Magic

By Brenda Goodman

A whiff of oxytocin lit up reward center in men's brains when they looked at their partner's face.

Scientists, and women everywhere, have long wondered exactly what keeps a man from straying with a stranger.

From a biological perspective, at least, cheating is easy to understand. The more sexual partners a man has, the more likely he'll be to pass on his genetic material.

So why do so many men settle down, get married and stick around to raise their kids?

Researchers think they may have found a clue in oxytocin, a hormone released during sex and other intimate gestures like hugging or holding hands that's been proven to strengthen social bonds in other mammals.

They found that the hormone appears to boost men's attraction to their mate -- even when presented with pictures of other women.

The findings are published in this week's issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

In the study, 20 men who were in committed relationships for 28 months, on average, took whiffs of either oxytocin nasal spray or an inactive placebo spray.

For the first test, the men looked at pictures of their partner, a woman they'd never met, or a house. The photos of the women were carefully matched so one wasn't more attractive than the other.

In the second experiment, they looked at pictures of their partners or of women they knew but weren't related to, perhaps someone they saw at work every day.

Then the men rated the attraction they felt to the various faces. Men consistently rated their partners as being more attractive and arousing than the other women and, in most cases, a whiff of oxytocin boosted that effect compared to the placebo.

But what really fascinated the researchers was what happened inside the men's brains.

Under the influence of oxytocin, two areas of the brain responsible for feelings of reward and pleasure lit up when men saw their partner's faces. But the sight of other women had the opposite effect, suppressing feelings of pleasure.

"Oxytocin triggers the reward system to activate on the partner's face, the presence of the partner," said study author Dr. Rene Hurlemann, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Bonn, in Germany.

"Sexual monogamy is actually quite costly for males, so there must be some form of mechanism binding males and females together, at least for some time," Hurlemann said. "There must be some benefit, and reward is actually the strongest motivation underlying human behavior."

An expert who was not involved in the study said the results suggest that couples who keep a high level of intimacy in their relationships can maintain stronger bonds.

"When you're first becoming intimate, you're releasing lots of dopamine and oxytocin. That's creating that link between the neural systems that are processing your facial cues, your voice and the reward system" of a partner's brain, said Larry Young, a professor of psychiatry at Emory University in Atlanta. He studies the role of oxytocin in social bonding.

As time goes on, and couples become less intimate, Young noted that linkage can decay. But activities that release oxytocin, such as really looking into another person's eyes, holding hands, kissing and having sex may help restore the connection.

"To me, it suggests that it may be a way to help prevent the decay that can occur that leads couples to separate," he said.

Hurlemann agreed: "I think this is the only reason that we do hug and touch each other all the time. I think this is the mechanism that keeps oxytocin levels high in relationships."


Dopamine is the Chemistry for Pleasure

by Nancy Uon

Many potential romances begin and end with the first date. The "date" usually involved some activity where both parties can get to know eachother by exchanging personal stories, comparing likes and dislikes and sharing a common experience, such as a movie, concert or a meal.

The success of a first date is usually determined by the feeling one or both of the parties have regarding future meetings.

"Would you like to go out again?"

New research has shed some light on things you should do, and not do, to make your "first date" experience a positive one, increasing the possibilities of a continuing relationship. It all has to do with a neurotransmitter called dopamine.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter produced in several areas of the brain that is found in a wide variety of animals. Its role in reward learning and reward-seeking behaviour is well established by animal studies -- however, in humans its role is much less understood.

Put simply, when you do something that brings pleasure, that sensation of pleasure is linked to the increased activity of dopamine in your brain. So strong is the effect of dopamine that, even one good "rush" from a dopamine experience will cause the brain to anticipate and react positively to repeat the same experience.

For years, scientists have known that dopamine was linked to addictive drugs like cocaine, amphetamines and even alcohol. This chemical basis for our perception of pleasure is very strong and not easily overcome. Research with laboratory animals has suggested that human behavior might be influenced in lesser, more subtle ways also. Now a new study has demonstrated that dopamine can influence the small choices that people make by affecting their expectation of pleasure and this new research might well be utilized on your next "first date."

Dopamine and MAO





























When dopamine is released it provides feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement to motivate us to do, or continue doing, certain activities. Dopamine is released by naturally rewarding experiences such as food and sex.

This pre-programmed reward system makes sure that people do eat, do desire to procreate, and basically survive. Without enough dopamine, people feel the opposite of enjoyment and motivation -- they feel fatigued and depressed, and experience a lack of drive and motivation.

Brain chemicals, including dopamine, are stored in cells, which you can think of like barrels full of that chemical. When something occurs like a good meal or great sex the brain pours out some dopamine from the dopamine barrels into an open space in the brain called a "synapse". It floats around there.

Across the synapse from the barrels of dopamine are dopamine receptors. These dopamine receptors have special places where only Dopamine will fit, like a lock and key.

As the Dopamine floats around in the synapse, it finds the dopamine receptors, and "plugs in" to them. THIS is the point where we feel good. "Pleasure" is when the dopamine is locked in a receptor. There are, however, a limited number of dopamine receptors available, and each receptor has a limited capacity to accept dopamine molecules. So some of the dopamine may not be able to find a receptor.

When all the dopamine receptors are full, the remaining dopamine that didn't find a receptor is normally recycled. There are "reuptake molecules" that do this by taking the unused dopamine back to where it was originally stored. Other molecules break down the dopamine in a process called oxidation.
One of the chemicals that breaks down the dopamine is called Mono-Amine-Oxidase or MAO. This is a protein found in the liver and brain that breaks down dopamine so a person is not feeling pleasure all the time. In psychiatry, MAO-inhibitors are sometimes used to slow this action in depressed patients, allowing the dopamine and other neurotransmitters to build up in the synapse.

Drugs like prozac and zoloft, anti-depressants, perform this same inhibition with seratonin, another neurotransmitter.

Certain foods and spices can naturally inhibit MAO and thus increase dopamine.

Nutmeg has been used for decades by prisoners as a euphoric substance. When a tablespoon of powder is ingested it produces strong pleasurable sensations for up to 48 hours. The effects are described as very similar to MMDA ("Ecstacy"). When used in combination with dopamine rich foods the effect can be very pronounced.



Dopamine Enhances Expectation of Pleasure in Humans

In a study, published in Current Biology, the research team examined estimated pleasure of future events before and after the administration of a drug called L-DOPA, which is known to enhance dopamine function in the brain. L-DOPA is a prescription drug commonly used to treat patients with Parkinson's disease.

The 61 study participants were asked to rate their expectations of happiness if they were to holiday at each of 80 destinations, from Thailand to Greece. They were then given L-DOPA or a placebo (fake pill) and asked to imagine enjoying a holiday in those destinations.


The following day participants had to pick between a series of paired destinations that they had initially assigned with equal ratings, one member of the pair was imagined under L-DOPA the day before and the other under placebo. Finally, they rated the full set of 80 destinations again.

Ratings for particular destinations increased after they were imagined under L-DOPA's influence. That increase also affected the participants' selections the following day. Dr Sharot, the scientist who ran the studies, said, "We had reason to believe that dopamine would enhance expectations of pleasure in humans, but were surprised at the strength of this effect. The enhancement lasted at least 24 hours and was evident in almost 80 per cent of the subjects."

What appear to have happened here was that the elevated levels of dopamine in the brain of the people who were given L-DOPA caused them to associate certain choices (in this case the destination of a holiday) with the feeling of pleasure. The following day, when they were asked to rate a destination that was imgined under the influence of this dopamine-high, they rated it as more attracive and desirable.

Fast forward to the "day after" a first date. If only the same dopamine-high could influence that expectation of future pleasure... Well, there is possibly a way.

Certain foods are known to enhance and diminish dopamine production. Unfortunately they are not the usual menu on a typical date -- unless you decide to visit a salad or suchi bar. You might want to dine at home and prepare a dish containing some of the following foods:

Foods That Help To Increase Dopamine And Norepinephrine Naturally!

The Appetizer

How about a nice fruit cup?

Apples: A compound found in apples called "quercetin' is an antioxidant that studies have shown may not only help in the prevention of cancer but may also play an important role in the prevention of neurodegenerative disorders. There may be something to that old saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away..."

Bananas and Avacados: A banana is a good source of tyrosine. So is an avocado. Tyrosine is the amino acid neurons need make norepinephrine and dopamine.

Watermelon: Watermelon juice is fat free and loaded with vitamins A, B6, and C and is used by the body to manufacture neurotransmitters such as serotonin, melatonin, and dopamine.

The Entrée

Chicken & Turkey: Chicken and turkey meat, like eggs, contains complete low-fat protein source that increases levels of neurotransmitters norepinephrine and dopamine. 

Chicken is also a good source of coenzyme Q10 (Co Q10), which increases the energy generating potential of neurons.
As you will see further down in this article, wheat-germ and almonds are also rich in tyrosine, an amino acid that produces dopamine. Why not try a fried chicken breast coated with chopped almonds and wheat-germ?

Cheese & Yogurt: Dairy products are a well known protein foods, rich in tyrosine, which helps produce dopamine. Eggs: Research from the University of California, Berkeley suggests that people who suffer from depression have low amount of dopamine in their brains. One food to increase dopamine is a serving of protein-rich eggs. The eggs can be incorporated in just about anything baked.

Fish: Omega-3 fatty acids are found in seafood, especially mackerel, salmon, striped bass, rainbow trout, halibut, tuna, and sardines. These fatty acids may have many jobs in the body, including the production of neurotransmitters, such as dopamine.

You might consider taking a date to a Sushi restaurant. Many types of seaweed are also rich in nutrients that promote dopamine.

Beets: Betaine, an amino acid naturally present in certain vegetables, particularly beetroot (beets), is an antidepressant of the first order. Betaine acts as a stimulant for the production of SAM-e (S-adenoslmethionine) which is directly related to the production of dopamine and serotonin.

Whole grain bread is also rich in amino acids, like tyrosine.
Soy beans are also rich in tyrosine, an amino acid that increases dopamine production.



Tofu is a wonderful food, made from soy, which can be cooked in may different ways and flavored to resemble meats. It is a staple for vegetarians and Asians, especially Japanese, and can be served with other dopamine rich foods such as beets, crushed almonds and even fried bananas. 

Hey, you might want to make this dinner yourself to get the full benefits of a dopamine-high!

Wheat Germ: Wheat Germ is a good source of Phenylalanine. Phenylalanine is an essential amino acid found in the brain and blood plasma that can convert in the body to tyrosine, which in turn is used to synthesize dopamine.

Almonds: This nut in particular is a rich source of tyrosine, which increased dopamine production.

Things to avoid:

Alcohol, red meat, caffeine, and sugar all deplete the brain of dopamine. So forget the usual strategies of booze, a good prime rib followed by strawberry shortcake. 

You may feel good at the time but the next day will leave you withh less dopamine, cash or chances for a second date.

Lead author Dr Tali Sharot, Wellcome Trust Centre for Neuroimaging at UCL, said:
"Humans make much more complex decisions than other animals -- such as which job to take, where to go on holiday, whether to start a family -- and we wanted to understand the role of dopamine in making these types of decisions. Our results indicate that when we consider alternative options when making real-life decisions, dopamine has a role in signalling the expected pleasure from those possible future events. We then use that signal to make our choices."

Five Ways to Boost Your Natural Happy Chemicals

by Loretta Graziano Breuning, Ph.D.

You can stimulate more happy chemicals with fewer side effects when you understand the job your happy chemicals evolved to do. Here's a natural way to stimulate each, and to avoid unhappy chemicals.

 #1 Dopamine (Embrace a new goal)
Approaching a reward triggers dopamine. When a lion approaches a gazelle, her dopamine surges and the energy she needs for the hunt is released. Your ancestors released dopamine when they found a water hole. The good feeling surged before they actually sipped the water. Just seeing signs of a water-hole turned on the dopamine. Just smelling a gazelle turns on dopamine. The expectation of a reward triggers a good feeling in the mammal brain, and releases the energy you need to reach the reward.

Dopamine alerts your attention to things that meet your needs. How you define your needs depends on your unique life experience. Each time dopamine flowed in your youth, it connected neurons in your brain. Now you’re wired you to meet your needs in ways that felt good in your past.

Dopamine motivates you to seek, whether you’re seeking a medical degree or a parking spot near the donut shop. Dopamine motivates persistence in the pursuit of things that meet your needs, whether it’s a bar that’s open late, the next level in a video game, or a way to feed children. You can stimulate the good feeling of dopamine without behaviors that hurt your best interests. Embrace a new goal and take small steps toward it every day. Your brain will reward you with dopamine each time you take a step. The repetition will build a new dopamine pathway until it’s big enough to compete with the dopamine habit that you’re better off without.

#2 Serotonin (Believe in yourself)
Confidence triggers serotonin. Monkeys try to one-up each other because it stimulates their serotonin. People often do the same. This brain we’ve inherited rewards social dominance because that promotes your genes in the state of nature. As much as you may dislike this, you enjoy the good feeling of serotonin when you feel respected by others. Your brain seeks more of that feeling by repeating behaviors that triggered it in your past. The respect you got in your youth paved neural pathways that tell your brain how to get respect today. Sometimes people seek it in ways that undermine their long-term well-being. The solution is not to dismiss your natural urge for status, because you need the serotonin. Instead, you can develop your belief in your own worth. People are probably respecting you behind your back right now. Focus on that instead of scanning for disrespect. Everyone has wins and losses. If you focus on your losses you will depress your serotonin, even if you’re a rock star or a CEO. You can build the habit of focusing on your wins. You may think it’s cocky or risky or lame, but your serotonin will suffer if you don’t.

#3 Oxytocin (Build trust consciously)
Trust triggers oxytocin. Mammals stick with a herd because they inherited a brain that releases oxytocin when they do. Reptiles cannot stand the company of other reptiles, so it’s not surprising that they only release oxytocin during sex. Social bonds help mammals protect their young from predators, and natural selection built a brain that rewards us with a good feeling when we strengthen those bonds. Sometimes your trust is betrayed. Trusting someone who is not trustworthy is bad for your survival. Your brain releases unhappy chemicals when your trust is betrayed. That paves neural pathways which tell you when to withhold trust in the future. But if you withhold trust all the time, you deprive yourself of oxytocin. You can stimulate it by building trust consciously. Create realistic expectations that both parties can meet. Each time your expectations are met, your brain rewards you with a good feeling. Continual small steps will build your oxytocin circuits. Trust, verify, and repeat. You will grow to trust yourself as well as others.

#4 Endorphin (Make time to stretch and laugh)
Pain causes endorphin. That’s not what you expect when you hear about the “endorphin high.” But runners don’t get that high unless they push past their limits to the point of distress. Endorphin causes a brief euphoria that masks pain. In the state of nature, it helps an injured animal escape from a predator. It helped our ancestors run for help when injured. Endorphin evolved for survival, not for partying. If you were high on endorphin all the time, you would touch hot stoves and walk on broken legs. Endorphin was meant for emergencies. Inflicting harm on yourself to stimulate endorphin is a bad survival strategy. Fortunately, there are better ways: laughing and stretching. Both of these jiggle your innards in irregular ways, causing moderate wear and tear and moderate endorphin flow. This strategy has its limits. A genuine laugh cannot be produced on demand. A genuine stretch requires a little skill. But when you believe in the power of laughing and stretching, you create opportunities to trigger your endorphin in these ways.

#5 Cortisol (Survive, then thrive)
Cortisol feels bad. It alerts animals to urgent survival threats. Our big brain alerts us to subtle threats as well as urgent ones. The bad feeling of cortisol will always be part of life because your survival is threatened as long as you’re alive. Cortisol especially grabs your attention when it’s not being masked by happy chemicals. You might have a sudden bad feeling when your happy chemicals dip, even though there’s no predator at your door. If you can’t get comfortable with that, you might rush to mask it with any happy-chemical stimulant you’re familiar with. Your well-being will suffer. You will lose the information the cortisol is trying to give you, and your happy habit will have side effects. More cortisol will flow, thus increasing the temptation to over-stimulate your happy chemicals. This vicious cycle can be avoided if you learn to accept the bad feeling you get when a happy chemical surge is over. It doesn’t mean something is wrong. Cortisol is part of your mammalian steering mechanism, which motivates an organism to approach rewards and avoid threats. You need unhappy chemicals to warn you of potential harm as much as you need happy chemicals to alert you to potential rewards. If you learn to accept your cortisol, you will be free from the rush to mask it in ways that don’t serve you. You will make better decisions and end up with more happy chemicals.

Building New Happy Habits
Your brain got wired from past experience. Each time your neurochemicals surged, your neurons built connections. Experience wired you to turn on your brain chemicals in the ways they turned on in the past.

When you're young, your neurons build new connections easily. After eighteen, it's not easy to build new circuits to turn on in new ways. It takes a lot of repetition. So pick a new happy habit and start repeating it. Over time, your new happy habits will feel as natural as your old ones, and you won't have the unfortunate side effects.


10 Ways To Fall Out Of Love With Someone

By BRIANNA WIEST

1. Write down why it didn’t work and the ways you weren’t happy and keep that list with you. Read it when you inevitably start thinking of all the reasons why you miss them, and why they were so perfect for you. We all romanticize the love we once had, but if and when we get it back, we realize that it’s just the same as it was. When it comes to the past, nothing changes but how we view it. Be conscious of that.

2. Learn to differentiate between love, lust and attachment. Now, I’ll argue that love actually is a deep form of attachment, but in many ways, these three can be different, unique experiences that don’t add up to enough cause for spending the rest of your life with someone. It’s okay to be in lust. It’s okay to be attached. You don’t have to be forever though.

3. Realize that relationships aren’t supposed to make you feel good as much as they are supposed to teach you something, and to help you grow. Allow someone to be part of your story and not the tragic, final scene. Take from it what you need to learn. If it showed you all the unloving parts of yourself, work on those, that’s what it was supposed to do. We have a tendency to exacerbate relationships by the way in which we categorize them as good bad or ugly, and yet, for some reason, no matter which way we go, we always want to hold on for just a little bit longer.

4. Cut off all contact. You can’t pick and choose right now, and it’s great if you can get into a friendship one day, but until your feelings have faded, you need to take some distance. This is absolutely essential. Stop checking their social media, don’t ask friends about how they’re doing. You don’t have to be a jerk about it, and you can politely let them know that it’s best for you to take some time away from them (although it usually doesn’t go that smoothly) it’s important that it’s said and followed through with regardless.

5. Let yourself be sad. Resisting it makes it worse than it is. Give yourself time to mourn and grieve the loss of someone who was a big part of your life. Then let them go, and love yourself enough to let yourself go too. As in, let yourself walk away from them in the metaphorical sense. Nobody else will give you permission.

6. Don’t get frustrated when your thoughts inevitably keep drifting back to that person. Just let them recess and pass. This is really how you should deal with all of your negative thoughts, but doing so becomes increasingly difficult when the subject matter is something you want to cling onto like an addict. You have to embrace the fact that letting those thoughts wash over you and fade is the best thing you can do for yourself and for your post-relationship relationship.

7. Don’t expect to get over them if you’re sitting in your bed all day thinking about them. Get out and do what you love, go visit friends you’ve lost touch with. Fall in love with other things and people and yourself. There are more loves in your life other than just romantic, and when you learn to enchant yourself with them, you find yourself needing a significant other less and less.

8. Embrace that you may never get over them, but let them be a part of your story anyway. Not every love has to result in a vow to spend forever together, and it doesn’t mean that what you had wasn’t real or worthwhile or beautiful. Part of the story can be that you simply always loved them, even long after you were over, and you know what? If you ask me, no matter how it turns out in the long-run, that is the most beautiful thing you can experience: loving someone despite everything. The only catch is, you have to be able to do it in an accepting way, or you’ll bury yourself in your heartache for the rest of your life.

9. Start to detach yourself. Something we all have to come to terms with is the fact that we attach ourselves to other people in light of what we think they can provide for us– whether it’s subconscious or not, we go into near panic mode when they leave us because we don’t know how we’ll get by. But we will, because we always do.

10. Learn to take your feelings and channel them into fuel to propel you toward something greater. If anything, motivate yourself to succeed in spite of them. It’s not the most positive way of going about things (and I do believe you should really do things for yourself) but for now, while you’re struggling, it’s not the worst way to cope. Let them do what they came into your life to do: make you better, however doing so played out

***

Stop worrying, if it is supposed to happen it will. 
Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off being excellent. 
Don't let your happiness depend on anything outside of yourself. 
Stay close to everything that makes you feel alive. 
Listen to your body, it will lead you to unlimited health. 
Surround yourself with people who see your greatness. 
Make peace with your past. 
See all setbacks as growth and expansive opportunities. 
Comparing yourself to others will hurt your health and steal your joy. 
Don't give up, EVER. 
You always have a choice. 
Stop chasing what’s not working. 
Believe wholeheartedly in miracles. 
Don't postpone joy. 
Trust the universe, there is a plan greater than yours. 
Wake up every morning with a grateful heart. 
Remember things take time. 
Always trust your gut. 
No need to change people; just love them for who they are. 
Don't resist change. 
Forgive yourself. 
Your life is a creative adventure. 
Release expectations and enjoy the journey, there is no destination. 
Just do you. 
You're not broken or damaged. 
You are perfect just the way you are.

***

Love Yourself - Kamal Ravikant

Love Yourself  Like your Life Depends On It


What is this about?

Loving yourself. Same thing your mom told you, same thing self-help books repeat enough times to be cliché. But there is a difference. It's not lip service. It's not a fire and forget type approach. It's something I learned from within myself, something I believe saved me. And more than that, the way I set about to do it. Most of it, simple enough to be idiotic. But in simplicity lies truth. In simplicity lies power.

As a wise friend likes to remind me, this is a practice. You don't go to the gym once and consider yourself done. Same here. Meditation is a practice. Working out is a practice. Loving yourself, perhaps the most important of all, is a practice.

The truth is to love yourself with the same intensity you would use to pull yourself up if you were hanging off a cliff with your fingers. As if your life depended upon it. Once you get going, it's not hard to do. Just takes commitment and I'll share how I did it.

It's been transformative for me. I know it will be transformative for you as well.


The Practice

I've tried to break down exactly what I did that worked.  And how one can replicate it.  Comes down to three things:


  1. Mental Loop: The one thought running constantly through one's mind must be "I love myself.  I love myself.  I love myself."
  2. A Meditation : Meditate 10 minutes daily using a 110Hz sound and chant  "I love myself.  I love myself.  I love myself."
  3. One Question : Do you love your self truly? Yes? Then never ever demean yourself; never ever debase yourself in negativity. Look positively at yourself and your life; open to all possibilities of a great life!


All three gently return me to self-love.  That's the beauty of this practice.  It's simple, it's practical, and the results are far greater than you could imagine.

After all, if you loved yourself truly and deeply, would you limit your life to what you previously thought possible?  Nope.  You'd blow your own socks off.

There is one requirement.  A fierce commitment to loving yourself.  This, I'm afraid, can't be skipped.  What if you don't believe that you love or, heck, even like yourself?  Doesn't matter.  If you have to build up to it, that's ok.  The practice works in a way the mind is designed to function.  The mind has no choice but to adapt and respond.

Just remain open to the possibility of loving yourself.  The rest is easy.

***


"Greatest Love Of All"

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me

[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

[Chorus]

And if, by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

****

LIFE IS A STATE OF MIND