Introvert Basics

People don’t outgrow introversion, so the introverted adult was once an introverted child. What is true of one is true of both. Contrary to popular opinion, introverts are not asocial, nor are they friendless loners who lack social skills. They simply have different social needs and preferences.

Friendships
It is not easy for introverts to make new friends because getting to know someone takes so much energy. However, introverts don’t need a wide circle of friends. They prefer one or two close friends, even though they may know many people and have a large number of acquaintances. In spite of this preference, introverts are frequently criticized for not making an effort to make more friends and are often seen to be lacking social skills.

Social Preferences
Introverts need a lot of personal space. They like being in a room alone with the door closed and those who don’t understand introverts believe this desire to be alone is a sign of depression. However, for introverts this behavior is normal; it is not a sign of withdrawing from life. Being around others is tiring for them so they need time alone in order to regain some of their energy. Being alone also gives them a chance to think and figure things out uninterrupted. Introverts don’t enjoy large parties and if they have to attend one, prefer to spend their time with just one or two others, talking about what they all know a lot about. Introverted children may prefer to play on the side with one or two other children.

Preferred Activities
Introverts enjoy activities they can do alone or with just a few others. It’s not surprising, then, that so many introverted gifted children love to read. They also tend to prefer activities that allow for creative expression, like creative writing, music, and art. Introverted children also enjoy quiet and imaginative play. When presented with an opportunity to participate in a group activity or game, introverts prefer to hang back and watch before they join in. Many people see this as shyness, but it’s not. They feel more comfortable with situations that are familiar to them and they are simply trying to become familiar with the activity before they join in.

Social Behavior
Introverts tend to be quiet and subdued. They dislike being the center of attention, even if the attention is positive. It’s not surprising, then, that introverts don’t brag about their achievements or knowledge. In fact, they may know more than they’ll admit. It may be the introverted gifted children who are more at risk for “dumbing down” since they would be more likely to want to hide their abilities.When introverts are tired, in a large group, or if too much is going on, they may show little animation, with little facial expression or body movement. Introverts also have two distinct personalities: a private one and a public one. That can explain why they can be talkative in comfortable settings, like home, and quiet elsewhere.

Social Interaction
While introverts may appear to lack social skills or be antisocial, neither is true. Their style of social interaction is simply different from that of extroverts. They tend to listen more than they talk and are excellent listeners. They are attentive and will make eye contact with the person they are listening to and rarely interrupt. When they do talk, introverts tend to say what they mean and may look away from the person they’re talking to. They dislike small talk and would rather say nothing than something they feel is insignificant. Although introverts are quiet, they will talk incessantly if they’re interested in the topic. They also dislike being interrupted when they talk, or when they’re working on some project.

Verbal Expression
If given a choice, introverts would rather express their ideas in writing than in speech. When they do speak, they need time to think before answering a question. Sometimes they even feel the need to mentally rehearse what they want to say before they say it. The need to think before speaking often results in the introvert being slow to respond to questions or comments. When they talk, they may also pause quite often and even have problems finding the right word.

Emotions and Emotional Responses
Introverts become emotionally drained after spending time with others, particularly strangers. They don’t like crowded places and introverted children can even become grouchy and irritable if they’ve been around too many people for too long. Even when introverts enjoyed a party or activity, they can feel drained afterwards. Parents often sign their introverted children up for numerous activities to help them improve their social skills, but an activity-filled schedule is overwhelming for these children. Introverts are also rather territorial. They dislike sharing space with others for too long and may find house guests intrusive. Introverts also have a hard time sharing their feelings and feel deeply embarrassed by public mistakes.

Other Traits and Preferences
Introverts can concentrate intensely on a book or project for a long time if they find it interesting and like to explore subjects deeply and thoroughly. That may be why introverts don’t like to be bothered when they are reading or working on a project. Introverts are highly aware of their inner world of perceptions, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and feelings. They are also highly aware of their surroundings, noticing details that others don’t see. However, they are not quick to discuss their thoughts or observations. They may, for example, wait days or weeks to talk about events. Introverts also favor consistency over change, and cope with change best when they know ahead of time what to expect and have enough time to prepare for it.

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Introvert 's Preferred Activities

Introverts are all about internal stimulation. They have rich “inner worlds” that keep them from getting bored even when they have little to do externally. Introverts generally love reading and watching movies because those activities stimulate them internally. Introverts tire easily of the kind of external stimulation one gets at crowded parties and activities that require a lot of physical activity. Introverts generally don’t like a situation that involves a lot of small talk with a lot of people; they’d rather have in-depth conversations with a few people, such as at a dinner party.

Introverts enjoy activities they can do alone or with just a few others. It’s not surprising, then, that so many introverted gifted children love to read. They also tend to prefer activities that allow for creative expression, like creative writing, music, and art. Introverted children also enjoy quiet and imaginative play. When presented with an opportunity to participate in a group activity or game, introverts prefer to hang back and watch before they join in. Many people see this as shyness, but it’s not. They feel more comfortable with situations that are familiar to them and they are simply trying to become familiar with the activity before they join in.

Yes, introverts like parties. We have all seen the “wall flowers” at parties, those are the introverts. They’re probably feeling a bit overstimulated, so they’re laying back a bit. There’s a lot going on in their heads, and they’re having a good time just observing and thinking about what’s going on. The extroverts, on the other hand, are out there in the middle of the room chatting everyone up. The more the merrier!

And yes, introverts can enjoy things like skiing and hiking and other physical activities. But if you asked an introvert and an extrovert what they’ve done over the past four weekends you’ll find the extrovert when skiing twice, went to a spa one other weekend, and relaxed on the fourth. The introvert, on the other hand, read four novels, saw a play, and went skiing once.

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Introvert and Stress

One of the biggest differences between introverts and extroverts is how they react to stress.
Some people don’t understand how introverts react to stress. Because of this, they think that all introverts are “neurotic” or mentally ill. Let me explain why this is a misperception.

When extroverts are stressed they “act out”. They may smoke, drink, yell and scream, throw a punch, stomp around or generally raise the roof. Although this behavior is difficult and even obnoxious, it is not considered “mentally ill”.

When introverts are stressed, they withdraw. They do this to recharge their batteries, not because they are neurotic. Introverts need time alone to bring order back into their inner world. They give energy to others and receive energy when alone.

Let’s look at some of the things that can stress introverts.

• Introverts are territorial. Someone cannot take your seat, move your stuff, lean on your desk, ignore your closed door or borrow your clothes without making you very angry.

• Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries. If denied time alone, you may become irritable and depressed.

• Introverts value privacy. When your boundaries are disregarded, when someone has a loud personal conversation on their cell phone in your captive presence, such as waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store, you can be annoyed and offended.

• Introverts fear failure in public and experience deep humiliation because of it. If the teacher grabs you for a demonstration of a new skill or your spouse puts you on the spot to put a bicycle together it can be extremely stressful.

• Introverts prefer to communicate in writing. They may feel exhausted by too much verbal communication that “isn’t going anywhere”. Introverts hate small talk.

• Introverts like to be prepared. If rushed to present a solution or opinion, they may be extremely uncomfortable and sometimes refuse to do so at all.

What are some of the ways that introverts restore balance?

• Introverts need to spend at least half their time alone for optimal good health

• Introverts love long trips, walks in nature and usually enjoy the company of animals. These activities restore their peace of mind and equilibrium.

• Introverts give energy when they are with people and need to be alone to recharge their batteries.

• Introverts need a room of their own with a door that closes.

• Introverts need to give themselves permission to communicate via email or in writing and to ignore a ringing phone (get a good answering machine).

• Decision making should take place without time pressure if possible. Introverts like to be prepared!

• Introverts hate surprises. It's natural to try and control your own world as much as possible ... learn to let the rest of it go!

If you’re an introvert, it’s important to understand your natural reactions to stress and what you can do to restore your equilibrium. Retreats into self are neither neurotic nor mentally ill. They are a natural restorative to introverts.

Temperament Sorter Results

Your Temperament Sorter Results indicates that your personality type is that of the

Guardian

Guardians are the cornerstone of society, for they are the temperament given to serving and preserving our most important social institutions. Guardians have natural talent in managing goods and services--from supervision to maintenance and supply -- and they use all their skills to keep things running smoothly in their families, communities, schools, churches, hospitals, and businesses.

Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities. Guardians take pride in being dependable and trustworthy; if there's a job to be done, they can be counted on to put their shoulder to the wheel. Guardians also believe in law and order, and sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost. Perhaps this is why Guardians honor customs and traditions so strongly -- they are familiar patterns that help bring stability to our modern, fast-paced world.

Practical and down-to-earth, Guardians believe in following the rules and cooperating with others. They are not very comfortable winging it or blazing new trails; working steadily within the system is the Guardian way, for in the long run loyalty, discipline, and teamwork get the job done right. Guardians are meticulous about schedules and have a sharp eye for proper procedures. They are cautious about change, even though they know that change can be healthy for an institution. Better to go slowly, they say, and look before you leap.

Guardians make up as much as 40 to 45 percent of the population, and a good thing, because they usually end up doing all the indispensable but thankless jobs everyone else takes for granted.

Guardians at Work
As a Guardian, you enjoy working as a valued member of a team, whether you are leading it or following a credible leader. You like to work with people who carry their weight. You appreciate having clear-cut responsibilities and being recognized for your dedication and achievements. Your natural traits are those that employers have traditionally valued - and that successful companies still respect. You are responsible and loyal to an organization once you've signed on.

Establishing and following a familiar daily routine is critical to your well being. In your ideal job, you and your coworkers would all share information so that everyone could remain "on the same page” as projects move forward. Because you genuinely care about the people you work with, your colleagues and your customers appreciate your unassuming kindness.