It means that you will no longer allow the past to have a hold on your life; that you are willing to release the hurt and the pain; that you no longer wish to be tied to the past in a negative way; that you are freeing yourself from the ties that hold you back from living the life you deserve to live. Easy to say, not always so easy to do.
Reasons to practice forgiveness
If you have been nurturing a grudge against somebody for a while, then maybe, its time for you to let it go. It might be the healthiest decision you might make in your life!
Here’s Why: Forgiveness is the key to great emotional, psychological and physical health.
I remember an intelligent woman I counseled a few years ago who had to leave her successful career due to debilitating dizziness spells. It transpired that as a child she had been severely bullied by her elder sister. I checked with her if she was ready to forgive her estranged sister. Though she dismissed my query, she came back the following week looking visibly at peace.
It turns out that, after some deliberation she had in fact sent out a ‘forgiveness email’ to her sister. She got a prompt, warm and loving reply and suddenly felt “years of bitterness falling away”. However, what was most amazing was that there was a remarkable decline in her spells of dizziness and soon she resumed work!
Don’t underestimate the power of forgiveness
Admittedly, not all recoveries are so sensational. At times, the process of forgiveness might take a little longer.
As for unforgiving people – they are prone to cardiovascular problems, chronic back pain, impaired neurological functioning, suppressed immunity, anxiety and depression, not to mention lack of a social life, as every grudge is hoarded and nurtured till the world seems hostile.
In the past few years, I have observed many of my patients truly heal after letting go of grudges and forgiving.
Forgiveness Skills
I can say from my own experience that building my own forgiveness skills has been very liberating. I feel very much at peace with my family, friends and acquaintances.
Forgiveness should be incorporated into our personality, be made a way of life, not merely a response to specific insults.
Here are some tips to develop your forgiveness skills:
- Find time everyday to meditate. Do deep breathing and scan your mind for any resentment you are keeping locked in. Visualize it as a tight knot holding you down. Breathe into it slowly. Imagine it slowly melting away and leaving you feeling light and free.
- Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. It’s not about excusing the other person or condoning the behaviors. Just letting go of your own suffering.
- If there is deep seated hostility against somebody from the past, writing a forgiveness letter to that person will help. If you do not want to mail it, then throw it or burn it and imagine your feelings of revenge disappearing too. A daily ritual of writing forgiveness notes can be a useful safety valve for your healing.
- There might be people who are insensitive, inconsiderate and abusive at times. Do not let their negative vibe rub off on you. Move to a higher level of being. Keep your mind and the energy around you free and uncontaminated.
Don’t leave yourself out of the forgiveness loop!
And most importantly of all, remember to forgive yourself, for not being perfect, for not getting over things quickly enough, for snapping at your co-worker, for . . . whatever. You deserve the same mercy, compassion and understanding as everyone else.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself – the gift of freedom from negativity to the safety, comfort and joy of positivity and happiness.
